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dear birthmother letters


By Robin Westbrook

The other day, I happened to have a conversation with a would-be adopter. This "lady" stumbled upon my homepage and decided that I needed an education and chastening via Instant Messenger. We promptly entered into a lively debate which went downhill quicker than an inner tube on ice.

Her final answer to my reasoning was that, we were the ones who had become pregnant and we should EXPECT it to hurt to give up our children. That it was, basically, part of what we had to suffer for our "mistakes". She went on to further state that any unmarried woman who kept her baby was, "terribly selfish and cheating her baby out of a better life." She also denied, vociferously, that any damage occurs to an infant if said infant is removed from its mother at birth. At that point, I could see that the debate was foolish and my efforts wasted, so I asked that she not contact me again. I forgot her addy as I was getting ready to block it. All I know is that is contained the words "bestmom", or something along those lines.

That little exchange was all it took for me to realize that, in the eyes of most adopters, we are "convenient sluts"... nothing more than felons, except that they receive our "ill-gotten gain" and we receive life sentences.

My primary focus has become RESPECT for the first mother. Perhaps, if we were respected, we would not be expected to sacrifice our children. Perhaps, if we were respected by the adopters of our children, there would not be the resistance to reunion contact we see in such abundance. Pehaps respect for us and our children was what we needed all along.

Hoping Hard!

Robin Westbrook 01/02/2001



Note: The terms "unwed" mother, "birthmother", "bio" mother make a parent appear to be less than the mother or father they are. These terms dehumanize and limit the parent's role to that of an incubator. Using the honest terms "mother", "single mother" or "natural mother" help the public to understand why real family members must not be separated to obtain babies for adoption.

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