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dear birthmother letters


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Adoption Letter: THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STORY
by Robin Westbrook

Letter to Editor re:  Gladney Home, 
sent to Dallas and Fort Worth newspapers

To The Editor;

I am writing in reference to one of your local "landmarks", the Gladney Service, aka the Edna Gladney Home for Unwed Mothers. This facility was featured on a segment of "Good Morning America" recently.

To say that I was appalled is putting it mildly. I had hoped the days when young, pregnant women were warehoused and groomed for the benefit of the infertile upper middle class was over. The emphasis was put on the "resort-like" atmosphere. Yes, and champion race horses are well housed and fed and cared for because of what they produce!

These young women have only been told one side of the "birth"mother story. One young lady remarked that she was surrendering her baby so that she could continue her education. Hey Honey! Did you know that you can continue your education even if you KEEP your baby? Did you, or any of the other young ladies lured into the Gladney adoption brokerage facility know that the so-called "open" adoption is legally unenforceable if the adopters so choose? Have you or any of the other young women talked to any of us who have lost children to adoption? Have you been made aware that there is another side to the story?

I am a reunited mother of two adult adoptees. I have (and always will) grieved for the loss of my children and the years that I missed with them. I feel like a knife is being turned in my heart every  time I hear them call another woman "Mom". I thought that I would be at peace for having done what I was told was the "right thing". I did not reckon on the pain, the emptiness, the hole in my heart that never healed. I still suffer from health and emotional problems directly attributed to the loss of my children.

I was told that I was not the best choice for a mother for my own children. I was missing two important things, it seemed..money and a husband. Well, my children went to two married, well-off couples and their lives are a mess! Adoption did not make their life better. They both have suffered from feelings of rejection and abandonment. They both have had difficulties throughout their lives that the children I raised did not have. What's wrong with this picture?

Do you know that, in the nine months your baby lives and grows inside you, that bonding is happening? Did you know that your child will be listening for YOUR voice, for YOUR scent, for the tone and timbre of YOUR heartbeat? Did you know that these infants suffer from preverbal grief?  Did you know that most adopters do not even recognize the "primal wound" these babies carry?   How many children do you know that went on to become healthy, well-adjusted adults who were raised by only one parent? I know of many! The "nuclear family" is not always necessary for good child development. The emotional pain of adoptees is well documented.

I urge you to question the indoctrination you have received from the Gladney baby-transfer facility. You might not get the financial goodies you are getting right now, but what's a dip in a pool compared with yours and your child's future? Ask your family for help. Get child-support from the father. Look into government programs and other programs that will help financially and with day care while you finish your education or train for a better paying position. Check online for "birth" mother support groups who can help give you information. But please, please, for both your sakes', KEEP YOUR BABY.

Sincerely and With Hope,
Robin Westbrook, Reunited Mother
Copyright © 2001


 
 
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