"birth"Mothers Exploited By Adoption
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"Why BIRTHMOTHER Means BREEDER" by Diane Turski
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dear birthmother letters

Gifts For "Birthmoms", "Nurturing Birthmothers"

Open adoption - it's such an unnatural, man-made "institution". As in closed adoptions, mothers are essentially banished while unrelated people raise their children.

In the United States, adoption agencies and adoption attorneys are enthusiastically promoting "open" adoption to get more babies for their customers. They encourage pregnant women to select permanent caregivers for their children long before their babies are even born. The mothers may later get pictures or letters from the adopting people - they may even get a few occasional visits with their child. Some moms later say they were used by the adopters as a babysitter - right up until their child was old enough to figure out who his real mother was.

The moms who get visits may find it very awkward - dare they tell their own child they love her?

The moms who get no visits wait anxiously by their mailboxes looking for their quarterly letter and a few pictures. The letters are often late, the photos often outdated or out of focus.

Meanwhile, in an attempt to "be nice" some of the permanent caregivers select gifts - trinkets - to thank "their birthmother" for the use of her son or daughter. The adopters may give the moms photo albums to put pictures of their growing child, whom they may never actually see in person. They may give journals to help the mom with her grief of losing her own firstborn - or later born - child to adoption. Lockets, bracelets, gifts of handmade soap.

"Bring flowers or balloons to the hospital" advises one website. Prospective adopters go to the hospital bearing cards - not cards congratulating the new mother - but cards "thanking the birthmom" (ex-mother?) for her baby. If a woman is considering divorce, she is not called a "divorcee" but is still a "wife" and when a mother is considering adoption she is not an "ex-parent" or "birth object" - she is the MOTHER and PARENT of her child.

Evidently anything goes - anything that will make the mother feel beholden to the "loving" people who want to get her baby.

There is a new adoption ritual that sometimes occurs with "open" adoption - that ritual is called "an entrustment ceremony". In an "entrustment ceremony" the naive mother hands her own child over to the adopters. The "entrustment ceremony" is a party of sorts, a party to celebrate the destruction of one family to get a baby for another. Entrustment ceremonies" (and"birthmother's day") are a great time for adopters to honor a woman not as the mother of her child, but as "birth" equipment that produces "adoptable" babies.

NURTURING "Birthmoms"?

Once they have obtained her baby, the adoption agency will still want to "counsel" the "birthmom" to build up her confidence so she can help them talk other moms into surrendering their sons and daughters, too. This is known as post-adoption "counseling".

The mother does not see her baby crying for her mother - and as time goes on, the prospective adopters will not tell her of the issues that arise for a child raised in an environment where she is unrelated to everyone.

Do people who are infertile or gay deserve the "gift" of a mother's own beloved child? I think not.


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