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Note: The terms

"unwed" mother, "birthmother", "biological" parents

make a parent appear to be less than the mother or father they are. These terms dehumanize and limit the parent's role to that of an incubator.

"Dear Birthmother" and "Dear Birthparent" letters soliciting for healthy babies are despicable.

Using the honest terms "mother", "single mother" or "natural mother" help the public to understand that real family members are being separated to obtain babies for adoption.

 

Adoption Awareness

November is National Adoption Month, which is intended to promote (provide "awareness" of) adoption. Often the adoption "awareness" exists to ensure there is a good supply of healthy, intelligent babies to meet the market demand - babies for infertile and gay persons with the money to adopt. Read on to learn how mothers, fathers and grandparents who have never been proven to be unfit in any way have been deceived - by individuals, by adoption agencies or by the over-zealous Child Protection System.

True family members are being permanently separated in many countries to make babies and desirable young children available for adoption. Separating family members is serious "business". The following writeup on National Adoption Awareness Month is reprinted with permission from a Natural Mother's "Adoption Awareness" Blog. Don't miss the additional articles and websites listed below it.

National Adoption Awareness Month

November is National Adoption Awareness Month. Early this month much was made of the mass adoption done in San Antonio. There have been articles in the paper and on the talk shows regularly about adoption. All one has to do is turn on the television, radio or go to a movie to have the theme about adoption as a loving option presented as if the only choice is adoption or a dumpster. Little or nothing is spoken about the darker side of adoption. You seldom hear about the anguish of the natural mother and father, the unalterable damage that is done to the infant when it is removed from the only mother it knows, the loss of heritage, and the genetic continuity of the families. To listen to the media, the only thing bad about adoption is the fact that there is not enough of it!

I am the mother of a son lost to adoption in 1967. We have been reunited for 14 years, and I have seen, first hand, the damage done to the adoptee. More and more research is being done on infants and research is finding that infants are not the blank slates that they were popularly supposed to be years ago. Instead they are finding that, almost from the moment of birth, an infant recognizes its mother and responds to her smell, sound, and taste. An infant will pick his mother’s face from a crowd within minutes of being born. How can we assume that an infant, a much more complex individual than we realized, will NOT grieve for the loss of the mother, the only familiar thing in their surrounding? The infant still believes that he and the mother are the same, so such a loss would seem to the infant to be an amputation of that familiar part of himself.

Further, in counseling a young woman to lose her child to adoption, is the young woman informed that up to 40% of young women who lose a child to adoption never have another child? Is she informed of the life-long consequences to herself and to her infant child of that loss? Is she made aware of the support that is available to her, and the other options, including kincare, fostering, guardianship and public assistance, not to mention the support of the family and the father’s family?

Adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. The young, unmarried, high school or college age woman, will not always remain so. If school is the problem, high schools have programs in place (by federal mandate) to accommodate young mothers. It is possible for college to be postponed for a couple of years, as evidenced by the huge numbers of non-traditional students at most college campuses today. A few years of inconvenience is much better than a lifetime of mourning in silence the loss of your child and the necessity of explaining to a returning adult adoptee your reasons for surrendering them to adoption …explaining to them why they were not “good enough to keep”.

The new wave in adoption is the so-called Open Adoption, where the mother “picks” the adoptive family, there is an agreement to exchange pictures, updates and etc. The Industry professionals do not inform the Natural Mothers that it is legally unenforceable and that fully 80% of open adoptions close within a year of the final papers being signed.

When I lost my son to adoption in 1967, I had been incarcerated in an Unwed Mother’s Home. We were not allowed to use our names, our phone calls and visitors were screened, our mail was censored, and we were not allowed to leave except in groups and during certain proscribed hours, when there was little traffic. We were assigned jobs and we had to pay to be there. We were drugged and exploited and treated as damaged goods, used merchandise, and lesser human beings. Most had no wish to lose their child to adoption, but were forced to go to the coercive Homes or into a form of indentured servitude in private homes called Wage Homes, while a place for them was secured in a home or in a hospital.

This same practice was used in most English Speaking countries, such as Canada, Great Britain, New Zealand, and Australia. Most of these countries are either cutting back or eliminating the practice entirely. In fact, in Australia, there was a recent Government Inquiry into illegalities in past adoption practices. There is a case currently in their Supreme Court, determining damages for illegal practices that occurred during the Baby Scoop Era, that will have an impact on adoption practices all over the world. For the first time, the courts are listening to the voice of the exiled mother, the women who lost their first born children to adoption, through lies, coercion and illegal drugging of the mothers.

I watched the recent presidential debates in horror as President Bush casually mentioned reopening the Maternity Homes, not once but twice, to give young women a place to make an informed decision. Informed by whom, the adoption professionals who are currently the representatives for a $1.6 billion adoption industry? How much better for the mother, for the infant and for the society as a whole if we support our young mothers, nurture them while they are vulnerable and assist them to nurture their own infants rather than to give them to someone who is deemed more worthy to have that child, simply because the make more money? Since when is wealth an indicator of someone’s parenting ability? The information that a young woman will receive in a Maternity Home is all about adoption and little about raising her child on her own. One has to question if she would be so strongly encouraged to surrender her infant if the adoption cost less than $20-60,000.00 per infant. The mothers are not getting that money; that would be illegal baby-selling. Who is? It is, again, the $1.6 billion Adoption Industry.

And, since there were an estimated 6 million young women who lost children to adoption during the period known as the Baby Scoop Era, the period from the end of World War II to the passage of Roe V. Wade in 1973, good taste and compassion would suggest that it is unkind to, year after year, rub salt into an unhealed wound. Are the Jews expected to celebrate the opening of Auschwitz; are the Blacks supposed to celebrate the start of slavery? Equally, Mothers who have suffered in silent grief for 20 to 50 years find the National Adoption Month an almost intolerable reminder of their loss and their pain.

During November this year, I will be wearing a Green Ribbon for the opening of Sealed Adoption Records for Adoptees. At the current time, Adoptees are only allowed access to their records in 4 states, with New Hampshire joining in January of this year. The story being told by the National Council for Adoption and the other members of the powerful adoption industry to continue this sham practice is that they made some promise to the Natural Mothers that their shame would remain secret forever. As a Natural Mother, I can say that no promise of confidentiality was ever made to any Natural Mother that I know, and I know thousands from both in person and online, all over the world. We were told and expected to go home, forget it happened and go on with our lives “as if” it never occurred, but it DID happen, and we DID go home and go on with our lives, but we NEVER FORGOT. As a group, slowly, we are finding our voices, we are coming out strong and we are reclaiming our right to be treated with dignity, honor and the respect that we deserve. I will wear my Green Ribbon for the Right of the Adoptee to their Open Records, but I will also have a black band on my ribbon to represent the sorrow of the mothers who never forgot.

Sandy Young
Natural Mother

 

For some additional reading for National Adoption Awareness Month, we highly recommend:

 

 
 
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