Guestbook entries: Jan-Nov/01 | Jan02-Feb03
| Feb03-Feb04 | Feb04-Nov4
Entries - January 2002 to February 2003
My husband and I were thinking about adopting children (thinking of
overseas from orphanages). After hearing what you have to say, my
heart goes out to you. We are perfectly able to have children, but
we were under the impression children were out there who needed homes.
I don't want to take some women's baby who desperately wants hers,
so I have a question, do you all think we are doing the right thing?
I want to give kids a home who need homes, but not at the expense
of others. I'm glad your site is out there. I don't think most adopting
parents realize what you have gone through. If they did, I think many
would, at least, show more compassion. After all, we are all reading
the same lies - only you know they are lies while we (adopting parents)
think they are the truth because we don't know any better. I have
learned so much from you, thanks. - 02 February 2003
Baby Girl Breland (8-11-55)
I am French Canadian. Imagine my surprise to find out that I wasn't
half Filipino & American. I am an adopted female of Canada. And
I am so proud to say I am French Canadian. Canada were you not so
proud of me that you so eagerly gave away a part of you. You gave
your Canadian born baby girl to child abusers, people who beat my
candaian born brother and me. Yes I am looking for my birth family.
Just maybe, I came from a loving birth family. Love hurts me deeply.
I am baby girl breland born at 7 months in Edmonton Alberta Canada.
Do you know me, Do you care? - 02 February 2003 - Canada
Deborah Morani | url
My daughter taken on lies and corruption is now the girl in the news
missing. I had just asked birthmothers to help me find her a few months
ago. I believe she is looking for me-she was old enough to know what
happened was wrong. All I can do now is pray she is ok. She is my
reason for living as life has been a nightmare since she was unjustly
taken(1994) and I never signed her away, nor was I given a chance
to defend lies. There are so many details I was a single working mother
with a nanny and a daycare. I got physically ill and asked for the
wrong help I got an informal apology,but no admission or help to correct.
records praising my parenting skills a few months before the incident
were convienently lost and the worker in Pennsylvannia-they said.
so many detail to go into. I Had RAPE willing to help and a state
rep, but they said no matter what I did she would be adopted and was.
- 02 February 2003 - Massachussettes
Mary Kavanagh |
I was forced to give my daughter up for adoption in 1971, I was 15yrs.
old. I was not allowed to see her at birth, but i heard her first
cry. I endured 30 hours of labor with no drugs, i was all alone. I
died emotionaly that day.I am married now and have two sons whom i
love with all my heart, but the pain of losing my daughter blocks
most of my joy for life. We were reunited in 1991, but i think that
we are both emotionaly dead when it comes to feelings for each other.
Beleive it or not her adoptive mother has become my best friend. She
also has seen the damage done by adotion. She is totally against adoption
now because she sees it from my side and my daughters side. She THINKS
THAT ONE DAY MY DAUGHTER WILL WANT TO BE PART OF MY LIFE. I send her
cards through out the year and she keeps them, so maybe there is hope
yet.There is no loss that can equal the loss of a child, time can
never bring it back, for that reason i promised myself that i would
never hurt again, some tell me i am cold, unfeeling, but i think i
have blocked out most of my life. I fear i am not alone in this regard.
Thanks for listening..........Mary - 30 January 2003 - Canada
Tina Schnick |
I too am one of the many women with an empty place in my heart.I
was sent to a christian unwed mothers home which was not my choice(Cookson
Hills Christian School) in Kansas, Oklahoma then the mothers got sent
to Siloam Springs Arkansas to have their baby,then the adoptions took
place in Stillwell Oklahoma,My son was born:March 5th 1979 - 29
I was born 9-24-1964, in Jacksonville Florida. Was adopted shortly
there after. My adoption has been so hush hush that no one has ever
told me much, is all I have been told is that my mother was around
16 yrs old.but I keep searching.I can really understand the pain alot
of birth mothers went through in the 60´s, I got pregnant when I was
17 (1982) my father told me that if I wasn´t married by the time I
was 18 that my baby was going up for adoption. I felt no matter what
he was not going to take my child from me like someone probably took
me from my mom. the worst part he had power to do it. So I married
a friend of mine. Then when my daughter got pregnant at 16 my father
did the same thing to her,but she also kept her beautiful little boy
and is a wonderful mom.My dream is to find my bmom just to find out
who I really am and my medical history. Good luck and God Bless to
all you bmom and adoptee´s that are searching. - 29 January 2003
- Jacksonville Florida
Michelle Lesage |
tomorrow is my 29th birthday and as the years go by each birthday
is harder and harder. I am an adoptee who has been unsucessful in
my search for my birthmother. I have contacted CAS in Toronto- where
I was born, and a year and a half latter still have no information
from them. I have tried to search but without a first name I have
not gotten very far. I don't have a clue what she looks like or even
what her name is but I miss her and really would like to meet her.
It does not seem right to with hold the name of the person who gave
birth to you. I just don't know if the hurt will ever go away. - 27
January 2003 - Toronto/ SC-Iowa
I am a reunited birth mother and a searching adoptee. This site is
incredible! Every word I read is just like it was my story. Being
reunited with my daughter has been amazing. Now I hope to find my
birth mother. She was also adopted as an infant. I hope to break the
secrets, shame, and unanswered questions of adoption. - 18 January
2003 - Nevada City, California 9/6/63
I am a mother who had a babe taken to adoption 1961 . Like all of
you (or most) I was told'You will forget this child when you are married.
You can have many more of your own'
Of course, this stupid cruel statement was totally incorrect.
Over the years the loss grew and never subsided onc. Yes, I 'got on,
moved forward' but .. never could I forget the unseen baby girl and
never could replace her. I did have a son but no way could he be a
As for 'giving the gift of life' well, tis a death without a funeral
for a mother.
Note.. not 'natural/ bio/ birth /first or any other euphamism. Best
wishes to you all. - 17 January 2003 - Melbourne Australia
Karen (Becker) Mikolainis |
I was adopted in 1970 in Green Bay, Wisconsin. I have a good adoptive
family and have a very good life. So good, in fact, that I have never
had a strong desire to seek out my birth mother. My adoptive parents
are my parents, and they gave me incredible love.
I have high respect for my birth mother and am very grateful that
she chose to give me the most beautiful gift - MY LIFE. I am so thankful
to be here, and that I was allowed to have this life, and not be eliminated
I was shocked to see the stories here of women who were coerced into
giving their babies away. For all of you, I am sorry, but thank you
for giving your babies life.
I actually found this web site because my husband and I are having
trouble conceiving and I thought we might also adopt. This web site
has certainly provided another perspective. Thank you.
It's clear that adoption is better than abortion for the baby. I would
think that the guilt of an abortion is equally devastating for a birth
mother, no matter what the 'abortion industry' wants people to believe.
Perhaps giving unwed mothers the resources to care for their children
is the most compassionate approach for mother and child. - 08 January
2003 - Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Pam | | url
I found this site after reading about it in a 'Letter to the Editor'
of the Orlando Sentinel.
My own story is online at http://hometown.aol.com/truthinadoption/myhomepage/sale.html
How sad that it is the norm when it comes to adoption. - 07 January
2003 - Greenville, South Carolina
I myself was exploited by adoption on Dec.21,2001 It feels like yesturday
and I'm not sure I'll ever heal how do I get out of bed, pajamas,
eat,sleep? I feel so empty so alone yet I have a 3 year old that needs
me. - 07 January 2003 - Indiana
margaret boundy |
I was only 16 and my parents gave me no choice. I have loved and
missed my son everyday of my life. He will be 35 this year, may God
always bless him. - 04 January 2003 - Beaufort, NC
My family didnt believe that I could be a good mother so they took
my babies from me, they needed my to sign the papers, so they told
me that I would be able to see my children as much as I wanted so
I did what I thought was best. I was so young. Now my kids live with
some family far away and I never get to see them and I never get to
talk to them. My heart breaks everyday, and I feel like there is nothing
I can do. I miss my children so much. - 03 January 2003 -
BJ Morrison |
I am a birthmother that lost my child to adoption Dec 08, 1969. July
23, 2000 we were finally reunited. My lost daughter had searched for
me for 13 years with no luck. However, because she had left notices
on the Internet, I found her July 23, 2000(she was 30-years old and
also a mother). Our 'lives' and that 'mother/baby' bond are slowly
restoring that was stolen from us in 1969. We are actually going through
condensed stages of a natural mother/baby development process. It
is as if you can't cheat nature and given a chance, it will restore
what was disrupted through adoption. One must stay open through this
process..and allow the repressed pain to surface. If anyone is in
reunion and is finding that process difficult..email us..we are starting
an organization to help others to understand what is happening. If
you don't understand it, you may see it as 'unhealthy conflict'..it
is not! Love, Betty/Khym Morrison..'finally we have come home.' -
03 January 2003 - Clearwater, Florida
Rita M |
I have recently (3 weeks ago) lost my two beautiful children to the
'system' I want to say 'I'm so sorry' to all birth mothers for what
you have had to endure. I am lost and I am so glad I found this site,
I am NOT alone..
I live in Ontario, Canada and I just fought the 'system' for 4 long
years, I love my children and I want more info on adoption,
31 December 2002 - Ontario, Canada
I was born July 08 1971 in Kamloops b.c
I can understand the fears my natural mother may have,,but if your out
you need to see that your fears I share with you?I have more questions
than you could ever answer,as you probably do for me aswell.I need to
know you,I need to know who I am not just for me but for my son as well..I
pray your looking for me as earnestly as I am looking for you...so if
you know a 2lb baby boy born 07/08/71,and you decided that your boyfriend
was too immature to handle a child plz drop me a line..... 30 December
2002 - b.c Canada
Teresa I've been reading stories on your page for so long, I've
now forgotten how I got here. I'm a mother of three (my first one lost
through adoption). I was only 16 when I gave birth at Gladney - a neat
little setup arranged by my mother. I'm beginning the search process
and hopefully will be reunited with my daughter. One thing I've always
had a hard time dealing with is the resentment, anger, and hostility
I have toward my mother for stripping me of any other choice (other
than getting out of HER house). >
30 December 2002 - Texas
I understand, when you all say about the adoption system, they do
push & push on the adoptee and biological mother. But please dont
hate all adoptive mothers, I didnt adopt a baby, I adopted a 3 year
old that neglicted & abused by his mother & boyfriends. He
is MY nephew and I've been there since his 1st day & I had to
stand by & wait till the system started working & saved him
from the abuse. His biological mother tried to get help, but never
asked me, she wanted me to take Julian (my nephew) But once he got
into the system.. it got harder to get him home, he was transfered
from home to home (remember he was 3yrs old) But one day NOV 22,01
he came home with me & my husband. Since then its been work after
work. I am trying to let him be with his mother on sundays only, but
its becoming harder, she is using drugs and She has no stable home.
It kills me to let Julian go with her, but as a want to be mother
I dont think its fair to gaurd him from her, because he will need
to learn the truth himself. he is 5 yrs old now. And we are about
to complete this adoption & each day I doubt my abilities to raise
him as a proper/strong/respectable man, My brother-his dad is dealing
drugs & in/out of jail. we havent talked since I got Julian, he
doesnt care to be part of Julian's life.So you see not all adoptive
mothers are bad & mean. We try! We know there is only one MOTHER,
but we hope one day to be mommy. I wish you all luck with your searches.
But please remember, someone gave you life & sameone gave you
thiers to raise you. Thank you & GOD bless. - 26 December 2002
- Reading, PA
Webmistress comments: - Vanessa, although it is always
preferable to keep a child within his real family, you are by your
own admission, a "want to be mother" who is expecting
this child to be grateful enough to you to call you "mommy"
because you are
adopting him. In that regard, you are no different than any other
Julian has a mother. You are his AUNT. It is selfish of you to confuse
child with your own expectations. Your statement that you believe
mothers give life to the child and others give their lives to raise
child" is typical adoption propaganda. The mother who gave life
to her child
is the only mother of her child. If her child is raised by someone
her, that child is being raised by a caregiver who will never replace
clarence horace gibbs
I WAS ADOPTED,MAYBY 73. I WAS BORN 10-03-69 MARKS MISSISSIPPI I NEED
TO KNOW WHERE I COME FROME KNOW WHO MY PARENTS ARE .I LIVE IN JACKSONVILLE
FL. (904) 388-1536 ANY HELP IS GREATLY FELT. - 14 December 2002
- JACKSONVILLE FL.
It took almost twenty years of countless guilt to finally realize
how manipulated I was by friends and family.I know now that I could
have raised my son- he may not have had all the latest toys or the
best clothes. But he would have had an abundance of love. My other
children have always known about this son and at one point I almost
lost one of my sons because he believed I didn't love this child enough
and just threw him away.With hope one day my son will find me. - 13
December 2002 - Phoenix, AZ USA
Brenda Weber | url
I am the natural mother of a son who just recently turned 9 years
old. I thought I was through the worst, but I realized I am not. I
lived in a family of pretenders. I guess I was just doing what i learned.
All year I do well in hiding any grief tht still haunts me from not
being strong enough to fight, but in reading these stories I could
not stop the tears. It felt like it all happened yesterday, my sister
told me right after I gave birth and was holding my son in amazement,
I looked at him and said ' I would go through that ten times if it
meant I could take you home and keep you forever.... ' I miss him
each and everyday, the two children I've had since will never be able
to replace the hole in my heart left because some greedy christian
' non profit ' (untrue) adoption/counselling agency, Oh I'm sorry
I meant hippocrits with no hearts, they literally didn't let me come
up for air until I had signed my life away. So in a codeine fogged
haze I signed the papers while on my hands and knees with her straddling
me telling me' If I truely loved him I would do this to give him everything
I could not' 'God wanted me to do this', reminding me cruelly of my
lack of support, her getting angry and just screaming, and afterwards
was told they were irrevocable. I had signed my life away. I'm sorry
for going on, I should post a story, I will soon, when my eyes aren't
so puffy, and my hands aren't shaking in anger so that I can barely
type. How can these adoptive parents stand by while all this is happening?
The birthparents to my son were in the next room. So was my mother.
Why didn't anyone come to help me. I know they had to hear me screaming
and crying. My god I feel like I'm dying all over again. - 10 December
2002 - Charlotte,NC, the adoption took place in SC.
I have a half sister born and abandoned at Theodora Snow Hospital
in Washington D.C. Feb. 1963. She has family that would love to know
her and love her. - 09 December 2002 - Virginia
As an adult adoptee that has found both birth/natural/first parents
I herald your website as a voice in the darkness. Nothing is so painful
as knowing that you do not know who you really are, where you came
from and ultimately the feeling of being misplaced and abandoned.
It is with great pleasure that I see so many birth/first/natural mothers
begin to speak out regarding the pain, guilt and heartache caused
by sealed records and the adoption process. This is a pain that never
quite goes away even after a mother is reunited with her lost child.
Keep up the fight! We adoptees are still looking for you too!! - 06
December 2002 - Bloomington, Indiana
Ronna Smith | url
I wanted to come in and check out Joss's article and see how everyone
is doing! The years, the months and the days never matter, because
the stories are sadly the same and never change.
Birthmothers and adoptees need to know the truth about what happened,
the truth never changes. A place will always be needed to validate
the anger deep pain and depression that stayed locked up in the pit
of our souls from so long ago. Just remember yourselves on your journey,
whether just waking up and coming out of the closet, searching or
finally getting your stories told. Remember to honor yourself even
when no one else gives you permission. Not only were our children
taken but also our dreams and who we really are.
I pray that each of you searching will soon find your lost loved one!!!
I found my son in 1998 and I am still waiting on him to retrieve all
that was lost to him, to become healthy and whole.
Adoption-the gift that keeps on giving...pain!! - 01 December 2002
I am a BM of daughter born 5/20/1986, surrendered 5/23/1986 and of
son born 2/6/1988, surrendered 2/9/1988. My children where placed
with same Aparents (at my request) by the adoption agency, Easter
House in Chicago,IL. Yes, they lied to me and to the BF when I decided
to place our daughter with them during my pregnancy. The only reason
we placed our son with them is that we wanted him to grow up with
his sister since we both come from large families. Anyway, I have
a year and a half before my daughter turns 18 and I will begin my
search in full force then, because once I find her, I'll find them
both. Like Always, Praying for the Day when we meet Again. - 21
November 2002 - Southern IL
HELLO I'M SEARCHING FOR MY DAUGHTER THAT I LOST DUE TO ADOPTION HER
BIRTH DATE IS 10-7-1974 I WAS PLACED IN FLORENCE CRITTENTON HOME IN
CHARLESTON S.C.I NAMED HER CYNTHIA LYNN MANN WHICH IS MY MAIDEN NAME.DUE
TO SEVERE MEDICAL PROBLEMS I HAVE I NEED TO FIND HER I ALSO NEED TO
LET HER KNOW I LOVE HER ALWAYS HAVE AND WILL TO THE DAY I DIE.I WAS
FORCED TO GIVE MY BABY UP IT WASN'T MY CHOICE I WOULD HAVE KEPT HER
IF IT WAS UP TO ME.THANK YOU FOR YOUR SITE IT IS GREAT.SINCERELY DEBRA
MANN LATOUR - 20 November 2002 - SHE COULD BE ANY WHERE
Heather Carlini CMH
I would like to share a very important paragraph from my Adoptee Trauma
book that might help young women thinking of relinquishing their babies
'A baby needs to hear the mother's voice, smell her body aroma, see
her facial expressions, feel her skin next to its own and taste the
mother's milk. It is a multi-sensory connection that is one of the
first and most important connections every human makes in a lifetime.
It is a connection which sets a precedent for all other relationships
to follow. Breaking this vital connection leaves both mother and child
with an inner sense that something is missing in their lives on many
levels for years to come.' - 29 October 2002 - B.C. Canada
Kali | url
hello. i was adopted, and this past year, i found my family. my world
has changed. my feelings are finally being validated, and for the
first time....i am myself. Now, with this Awakening in me, after building
a site for adoptees to find their families, i am building a site for
pregnant woman to get the help they need to keep their children. Clothes,
food, pre-natal check ups...amazingly people in my area are helping,
doctors, clothing stores, are VOLUNTEERING to donate things for girls
who come in or call. Doctors are giving pre-natal check ups for almost
nothing....i've only started this today...but with the success i've
had, i want to make this site for every county in every state. So
ANY girl , who needs help can come to my site, click on the state
she needs help in, find her county, and get the resources available.
there are NO places like this, and it blows me away! so what i'm asking
from you, is if you know of ANY place in your area, WHERE EVER YOU
ARE, please email me personally and give me the phone number , address
and / or web site. it can help 2 people stay together. slowly....we
can change the future for the better. i promote keeping a mother and
child together, and i'm starting with my site.....help me make it
work PLEASE. i'll post again with the sites address as soon as i get
it. THANK YOU. - 06 October 2002 - california
(continued from earlier post which was too long and had to be edited)
For those of you whose stories i read my heart goes out to you, you
and your child/ren should never have been abused in such a fashion,
i wish you the best of luck finding your lost children. May you find
joy and peace within your heart and souls when you do. Good luck to
you all. - 26 September 2002 - USA
I was adopted in 1945. Black market adoption. Little to no information.
I then gave up son to adoption in 1964 because it was not proper to
be an unwed mother. I'm now 56 years old and am mad as Hell young
women were so brain washed to believe adoption was the way. I needed
my natural mother and I'm certain my son needed me. I would have made
a good mother, married or not! - 21 September 2002 - California
ASHLEY R WORLOCK
I AM A MOTHER OF TWO. MY FIRST A BOY, WHO IS GOING TO BE 6, AND A
GIRL WHO WILL BE 1, BOTH IN OCT. I DID NOT MARRY MY SONS FATHER. WE
ARE OF DIFFERENT RACE AND THINGS DID NOT WORK OUT. MY DAUGHTER IS
WITH MY HUSBAND NOW, WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED ALMOST TWO YEARS. AN INCIDENT
HAPPENED OVER A YEAR AGO IN WHICH MY HUSBAND HAD ME CHOOSE BETWEEN
HIM OR MY SON. I AM NOT ALL INNOCENT, I SAID SOMETHING FOR MY SON
TO DO WHICH SHOWED DISRESPECT TO MY HUSBAND. TO THIS DAY HE HAS NOT
GOTTEN OVER IT AND SAYS HE WILL NOT. MY SON HAS BEEN LIVING WITH MY
FATHER IN A NOTHER STATE. NOW MY HUSBAND WANTS ME TO GIVE HIM UP FOR
ADOPTION. HE HAS FOUND A COUPLE WHO ARE BOTH CHRISTIANS, LIVE IN A
HUGE HOUSE, HAVE TWO OTHER MIXED CHILDREN AND ARE CAUCASIAN THEMSELVES.
HE FEELS ASTHOUGHT THIS IS GODS WILL THAT ALL THESE 'RIGHT' 'ONCE
IN A MILLION SHOT' COMES ABOUT. I FEEL HORRIBLE AND DO NOT KNOW WHAT
TO DO. I JUST STARTED TRYING TO GET INFO ABOUT THE EFFECTS MY SON
WILL GO THROUGH. I HAVE BEEN AN EMOTIONAL WRECK. ANY HELP WILL BE
GREATLY APPRECIATED. GOD BLESS ALL. ARWORLOCK01@AOL.COM - 21 September
2002 - NORTH CAROLINA
Dorothy Freeman | url
I just wanted to say this is an awsome site,and so true of alot of
things that have been said in her.
I am a birthmom myself and have found one of my children and know
firsthand how true this stuff is. These adoptive parents have no clue
what they have as children except they raised them to try to fit into
their family. But they don't realize these adoptive children they
have are too much like their own natural families. And they can't
figure that out. So send them back when they are of age if needed
send them back to their natural mothers because thats where they really
want to be. Sometimes the children really don't even understand this.
Thank you for listening. - 15 September 2002 - USA
I was forced to give my son up at birth. This by far was the WORST
day of my life. I have never stopped loving him or the desire to know
and find him. The pain is always in my heart for there is a large
part of me missing. I am now 37 and gave birth 6mos. ago to another
wonderful baby boy. Although he brings me so much happiness it also
brings GREAT sorrow as it makes my heart ache even more for my 1st
born son. He turned 19 this year. His D.O.B is August 20, 1983. He
was born at Northside Hospital in DeKalb County Georgia. I pray that
someday we will be reunited. At this time I do not have an email add
but will soon. I advise anyone who is considering giving their child
up to someone who is in a 'better position' to raise their baby, think
twice. It is a very painful choice to live with and there is so much
help available these days to make it possible to keep your child.
Also, thing don't always turn out better for the child. In my case
I have no information about my son at all. I only wish I had known
then what I know now. I pray that God has blessed him and kept him
safe. - 10 September 2002 - Georgia
Thank you. I have really been searching for people who could understand
how stupid it is to think that adoption is the best 'choice' when
there is no reason I could not have kept my babies and gotten the
help I needed, if I'd only known it existed. - 06 September 2002
CHRISTINE SOMMERVILLE 1-18-1979 Looking FOR BIRTH MOTHER PLEASE HELP!!PUT
UP FOR ADOPTION BY D.H.S IN PHILADELPHIA In 1985. MOM WAS 19 &
DAD WAS 27 LIVING IN N.C. 'SO THE COURTS SAY'. I am in some much hurt
and pain because of the stuggles I went through growing up in foster
homes and being adoptive. If my mother could have seen what the future
was I think things would be different. I love you mom and Ive been
searching all over the Net and calling talk show I cant take this
anymore my life is so incomplete with out you and your grandson needs
you to. I love you very much even thou I dont know you. LOve Always
A_lil_lovechild - 04 September 2002 - Philadelphia
Darlene A Burr
I gave my son up 21 years ago if I would have known that the adoptive
parents were going to get divorce, I would not have let them adopt
my son. The adoptive mother was really nice to my face and then a
few years down the road she divorced the adoptive father. I called
the adoptive grandmother to find out what happened when I could not
reach the adoptive parents and that is when she told me that Dorothy
McCosh the adoptive mother divorced her son Alex McCosh and left the
state of Maryland and went back to New Jersey where she is from. That
is the second major blow I had the first was not having a supportive
family to help me with my choices. If I ever find my son Whitney McCosh
I will try and make it up to him the rest of my life. His birth name
was William Lee Burr. The adoptive mother moved thru the adoption
process to fast, I was not even able to get a birth certificate with
William Lee Burr on it. I think some adoptive parents can be so mean
and cruel after they get what they want which is our sons and daughters.
- 03 September 2002 - Baltimore, Maryland
brenda aka debra decker
im adoptee female born3/20/1966 in watertown looking for bmom donna
and half brother bryon who at 14 mos was sitting on a dark colored
car in front of grandmas wolfs house adopted through dss ive found
bdad and bmoms mom i just want to talk to them tell them im thinking
of them i was the first born bryon i believewas born in dec of 71
- 03 September 2002 - are u donna and bryon
Hello all IM an Adoptee 1/16/1963 ISO my b/family.The pain of adoption
is very real for the adoptee and b/mother I came very close to loosing
my son to adoption because of my a/mother&father thought it would
be best for myself and the baby,they were great parents but they did
not understand what they were asking of me, how could they! only the
biological parent has that special bond to their offspring and if
you never had a baby of your own there is no way you could know what
that bond is about. well GOD gave me the strength to stand up to my
parents for the first time I was only 14 and stood my ground I got
to keep my baby now 24yrs. On the other hand I talked to my children
often about abortion I don't belief in it and thank the good lord
they don't either,
and I let my children know how adoption has hurt me, IM happy to say
they listen to me and don't like the fact that they too have be robed
by the adoption. My children want to know there b/family as much as
I do. Mom I think about you and my siblings every day I pray that
you will find one of my posts soon your loving Daughter, Terri
Grandchildren, Brian 24, Heather 22 & Nicole 19
Great Grand's, Christian & Angelina Twins 2/17/99, Cody 9/30/99
WHO AM I?
I HAVE NO CLUE, FOR I HAVE NO BEGINNING
JUST A MIDDLE AND END THAT
I CAN PASS DOWN TO MY KIN
WHO DO I LOOK LIKE?
FOR I CANT SEE MY MOTHER OR FATHER
WHO GAVE LIFE TO ME
DO I HAVE A SISTER OR BROTHER?
I MAY NEVER KNOW
WHO, AM I?
WHERE DO I COME FROM?
WHO DO I LOOK LIKE?
MY HERITAGE? I MAY NEVER KNOW
FOR THE DAME STATE OF FLORIDA
HAS SEALED MY FATE
WITH A PROMISE THAT'S CLEAR
NO REUNION FOR YOU MY DEAR
WHO ARE THEY TO PLAY GOD WITH MY LIFE?
FOR MY HERITAGE IS MY BIRTH RIGHT
WHO, AM I? I MAY NEVER KNOW
TERRI HILTON 7/30/02 - 03 September 2002 - FLORIDA
Mary | url
You have a truely wonderful site.
I am a reunited birthmother .I stumbled across your site while surfing
and wanted to tell all who come here,never,ever give up.When the timing
is right,you will come to the end of your search.
My heart goes out to the 'sisters'who are searching for their children.There
are so many wonderful groups on the net to join and that is the best
advice that I can give all of you.Look around until you find one that
To the adoptees who are here,never give up,somewhere the truth lies
and you will find it.You too need a good group and also need to look
around for one that suits you,there are many so look until you find
one with people that you feel comfortable with.
Peace to all searching. - 01 September 2002
Dorothy Marie (baby Nina at birth)
I am looking for my birth mother ..my little bit of info is that she
lives in Rock Hill South Carolina...she has brown curly hair and brown
eyes, she would be about 41 years old now...21 years ago she would
have weighed 155lbs. I was born at the old York County General Hospital
and born on March 1, 1981 at 3:20pm, i was 5lbs and 15 oz. I have
several aunts and uncles on my mother's side...please if you have
any thing you might know contact me by phone at 910-610-1407 or by
email at firstname.lastname@example.org">email@example.com
my mother named me 'Nina' at birth.. - 22 August 2002 -
Rock Hill, South Carolina
L. Spainhour | url
Hi! I am the same as the one below! :) I just wanted to post that
I've just created a (all be it simple) web page to try and help people
find the people that they are searching for. I figured the only way
to actually HELP people is to get this site out there, and I figured
that the way to do that was to post it on a very well respected and
well run site (such as this one). If you'd like to post information
on yet another site (if you're like me you've submitted info to countless
registries) please feel free (that's right, FREE) to come visit me
at the web page address below! Thanks so much again! Your site has
been very helpful (even since yesterday). Bless you all!!! - 15
August 2002 - North Carolina
Hi everyone! I've been looking at this site for over an hour now thinking
that maybe my birth mother feels like this. I've always known that
she loved (loves) me and I hope that all of you know the same :) I
got lucky, meaning that I was never lied to about being adopted and
my adoptive parents always have done everything they could to help
me find my birth mother. Unfortunately, where I live, and the agency
used, prohibits giving me any identifiable information. I've even
received a letter saying 'even if the birth mother contacts us saying
that she wants to reunite also, we still can give out no information'.
This has totally ticked me off!!! When I was adopted the law was that
after I turned 18 I could contact the agency and they would contact
my birth mother and ask if it would be alright for me to contact her.
Two months later it was changed to no contact ever. As soon as you're
adopted you are now these other people's child. I've never had a problem
with my adoptive parents (couldn't have asked for better), but they
are not my only family. I feel I have a right to know. I'm getting
off the point. This is such a wonderful site, I wanted to post the
day and state that I was born in, hoping that maybe my birthmother
would see it.I was born June 18, 1981 at 7:30am in North Carolina
and adopted through Children's Home Society of Greensboro. I've recently
received a letter that my birth mother wrote to me 4 months after
I was born and in it she said that she had named me 'Mary Ellen' at
birth although the only name on my original birth certificate is 'Baby
Girl'. If you think you may have any information for me, please don't
hesitate to contact me. Thanks for the chance!!! - 14 August 2002
- North Carolina
I was born at Saint Mary of Nazareth on October 30, 1965 - mother
was 15 - father was stationed at Great Lakes - please contact - 09
August 2002 - Illinois
Susan | url
Anger is the first emotion I feel when I think of my son that I've
never met because all the 'well-meaning' people in my life at the
time I gave birth to him.. It used to be sadness, depression, loneliness..
etc.. I read words from women who just recently gave their children
away who say how much better it is for their child to be with other
people. Those women are still under the influence of all those 'well-meaning'
people in their lives. I get sick to my stomach when someone says..
'What a wonderful gift you gave' or 'Your sacrifice was so amazing!'
or 'You made two other people so happy for your sacrifice' and a million
other cliches. I did NOT give my child to someone. I was not given
any other option. When I said the word adoption.. a million doors
opened and a million people wanted to help me.. I said.. what if I
want to keep my baby and all those doors slammed shut and all those
people turned their backs. What kind of choice is that? They also
let me know how very, very inadaquate I was to be a parent. Still
to this day.. almost 22 years after losing my son.. people refuse
to believe that my loss was significant compared to the benefit my
son recieved.. I'd like to know how they know for certain that my
son's life was so much better than it would have been with me.. Don't
they see the three beautiful children I've raised (almost exclusively
by myself) and how wonderful their lives are? I would have been a
wonderful mother to my son. Nobody wants to admit that. - 01 August
2002 - Colorado
I have to thank you with all my heart and soul for this website. FINALLY,
i feel like someone knows what I am going through. I was PRESSURED
into giving my son up in an open, private adoption. I never wanted
to. I was still having severe post partum depression as well as under
the influence of pain killers due to it bieng my 4th C-section. The
adoptive parents PROMISED me phone calls and pics every month. Well,
guess what?? Now they have changed thier phone number and i get no
more pics. My son is only almost 4 mos. old. They want to forget that
I ever exsisted. My heart breaks over & over again every morning
when i have to wake up without my precious son. There are not even
words to describe what i am feeling. Some days i just want to die
but i have 3 other sons to think about.(That i love and cherish) I
took a step towards healing myself and i made a webpage dedicated
to my son, MY OWN MOTHER thought it was offensive to the adoptive
parents and CALLED THIER attorney and told him to look at it. I have
been betrayed by my own mother. If any other birthmothers would like
to talk to me, i welcome any contacts!! I need it right now!! Please
email or IM me at ' imafallenangelxx @aol.com'. I need someone that
knows how i feel to talk to, PLEASE!!!!! - 31 July 2002 -
Heather Carlini | url
Hi Ladies... thank you so much for including my books on your website.
In case anyone is interested, our next course for Certified Post-Adoption
Counselors begins Sept. 09/02. We now have counselors in Canada, the
US, England and Ireland. Check out my website http://carliniinstitute.net
Have a wonderful day everyone. Love Heather - 30 July 2002
birthname jennifer grace
im looking for mrgrace& or mrs witakerborn 12-15-64 county hospital
in sanbernardino calif love kathy muniz-peacock - 29 July 2002
- sanbernardino calif
Just a word of encouragement to all of you .... against all odds,
I actually found my birth daughter after 31 years. I didn't find her
myself, I had a lot of help but we did it. All court records and papers
were sealed, non identifying info was worthless but 'where there is
a will - there is a way'. I have not contacted her yet but plan to
do so very soon. Don't ever give up and make sure to network with
anyone and everyone you can on these sites. I have gotten a lot of
help from a lot of wonderful people. God bless you and and good luck
in your searches. - 26 July 2002 - USA
looking for birthmother I was born 10/31/1960 in ny state adopted
by family in hempstead longisland ny,adoption was finalized 04/61
mom was 21 at that time and jewish. - 17 July 2002 - texas
Throughout my childhood, people lied to me.They told me my parents
were bad people who had me taken from them by the state.Do they not
know the damage they caused by making my family sound like bad people?They
tried to make me be like them.They said I didn't fit in with the rest
of the family.They said I should be grateful that they rescued me.Do
they not know this is emotional ABUSE?They abused me physically, too.
They denied any difficulty I had dealing with being adopted, so I
had to lie and say I was totally okay with it.
Then THEY abandoned me because I wasn't like them, saying they couldn't
handle that.Eventually I realized that they just weren't capable of
anything else. Soon after resolving this issue within me, the gift
of my family was given back to me by God.I will never forget my father
and I looking into each others' eyes for the first time since I was
13 months old. He took me in his arms and cried,and kept saying 'I'm
so sorry.'All those years he not onlyexperienced great loss, but guilt,
too. My father did not know that he would not be allowed to even call
the agency to find out how I was, even if they wouldn't let him see
me.He and Other family members looked.Nothing but the lack of compassion
of brainwashed employees of the system met them in their search. They
did not know my name was changed--afterall, I was over a year old
when he lost me to the lies society fed him.THankfully, my family
lives very close by (2 hrs. by car) so we see each other very often.
The relationship only continues to flourish.My father spoke of the
35 years of pain with an emptiness in his heart.He spoke of his life
being complete now.losing me even led him to the decision not to have
any more children. We are all healing together. I have also taken
back my identity--Laurie Jean Dunfield and am actively persuing the
legal right to my real birth certificate.
My maternal grandfather and I also have a great relationship. My mother,
however, died before we could meet. She committed suicide. Don't tell
me birthparents 'get over it.' - 16 July 2002 - Sacramento,
I have been searching for my birthmother for a long time .both adopted
parents are dead.found one lady did dna test came back negative so
keeped on searching a week after found that ladies birth daughter
reunited them.but i am still searching does my birthmother want to
find me?all i got fropm my non-identifing info was she was 21 and
hebrew if anyone can help please!I was born october 31 1960 in ny
state i have hazel eyes 5'4 born with dark hair now blonde my email
address is firstname.lastname@example.org">email@example.com
- 15 July 2002 - dallas texas
Iam a birth mother searching for my daughter, it was a nightmare story
the way she was taken.is there an email addy where i can contact you.My
daughter is 23 now Thank you - 08 July 2002
Pamela Jones | url
I am an adoptee. My Bmom put us up (my brother and myself) for adoption.
Reading your post breaks my heart. In my heart our Bmom gave us the
most precious gift that a mother can give her child(ren), 'The Gift
of Life'. And for that I can NEVER repay her. Even though I haven't
found her, I still love her. I just want the chance to say,'We never
had a chance as mother and daughter, but can we start off as friends?
She was 16 when she had Jerry(March 27, 1962) and 17 when she had
me (May 4, 1963)in Greensboro, NC. We were adopted out to adoptive
parents in Shebly, NC. Case worker was Helen Alspaugh with DSS in
Greensboro. Email me if you have any comments or can help me locate
her. Thanks for this site to let BirthMom's have a place to vent and
share their pain. - 07 July 2002 - I now live in Kings Mountain,
I can tell you this much. It's no fun being lied to by the system
when your son is 1 1/2 years old. When u are told that he was never
part of the system and that you could get him back anytime you wanted
too. Then told by someone else if he were to come home that he would
be placed in a foster home and that the best thing for you was to
give him up. Because, you don't have the money to fight and you don't
have the people to stand up for you. These same people weren't there
when Stephen was in the hospital for 7 days. In fact, no one was except
me. I prayed for him. To this day. I wonder if he knows who I am.
- 30 June 2002 - Chillicothe, IL
I am the reunited mom of Hope Marie Poitz.This is her true name the
one on her birth certificate and in my Heart she will always remain
my beautiful Hope Marie..I will write my story another day but for
now I want to thank you for being here.I myself and some other first
Moms and adoptees are doing what we can along with you in fighting
the money making mongers that make their living off the hearts of
woman and their chidren..They are the ones that should feel the shame
that was put on us Moms.I have been outraged at a site I have been
going to by the Paps that are coming in baby shopping, some very directly
,others will hope a pregnant woman will come in,click onto their home
page and read their ad for why they should be the one's to adopt their
baby..I have been praying as to how I can combat this.so I am now
going to be going there with one of my new screen names..keepYOURbabyNOW@aol.com">names..keepYOURbabyNOW@aol.com
and if they click onto my profile they will see your site here..I
do hope that is ok with you.If not please let me know and I will remove
your site..But I think this site is important and up to us to try
and combat the stealing of woman and their children.I also have been
sending emails to all those places that advocate the seperating of
Moms and babies to let them know us First Moms will NEVER be silenced
again and we will be fighting with our truth..It is bad enough that
adoption harmed me but it harmed my daughter.I have spoken with some
first moms that believed they had done the right thing until reunion
and then saw it harmed their children..That is when their denial will
be shattered..It is up to us older sister to inform our young woman
of the harm and they and their children will have if they surrender
their child to adoption..I am humbled by the task and yet already
have heard from young woman thanking me for enlightening them and
happy they kept their baby...Again, I believe this site is important
and I thank you! in truth and love,Linda(reunitedMom of Hope Marie)lost
to adoption in 69 and found in love 2-22-97 - 30 June 2002
- Northern Calif..
Amy K. Brown
I completly agree with what Patricia said: ' There are not unwanted
children, just unwanted mothers.'
That IS the 'Truth' in adoption.
My once a year visit has already passed, and I they did not give me
Jacob, now 'Cade', will be 3 in August.
I will never give up hope. - 23 June 2002 - Dallas,TX
Losing your child forever and not knowing it. The day that I lost
my son was the day that I never thought would end. When I decided
to place my son for adoption was when I knew that I couldn't give
him the life that I knew that he needed. So I went through the struggle
to find the right family. When I thought that I had found the right
family I was so excited but soon got my heart broke to find out that
they just wanted a child and didn't care how they got one. So I began
my search again. Then I found a single mother that was a perfect choice,
I thought again. But this women actually got my child. He will soon
be 2 yrs old and I havent seen him since he was 4 months old. And
then I found out that the women that adopted him was a felon. She
is wanted by everyone. So know I am working with who ever I can to
get my baby back because I know that I can give him the best life
he will get. I have just recently bought a house, have a new car,
and with a wonderful man that will love my baby. All of this will
happen to anyone that puts their heart to it. Just remember if you
think that you may change your mind 6 months later, this may not be
the way for you to go. Just think about it long and hard before you
decide. Anyone can email me if you need help in any way - 18 June
2002 - Kansas
I just surfed in and was compelled to respond to 'adoption is a win/win
situation.' You would have to ask my 13-year-old 'birth' daughter
about that. She was abused and abandoned by her adoptive father --
the same man who vowed to me before my Pastor and friends that fatherhood
was his highest priority. At the height of his abusive behavior, all
contact was cut off between she and I -- and, of course, I was told
this was due to her 'issues' of identity having seen me a few times
in her life.
There was a day when I believed adoption was always a win/win situation.
Sadly, in so many instances, it is not. - 13 June 2002
Joellen Alice Masters Keating born Crandall
I was born Baby Girl Crandall 6-11-61 in Sierra Madre Community Hospital,
In search of birth parents and or family. - 13 June 2002 -
Hesperia, CA usa
So-called Open Adoption comes up occasionally in this guest book,
and mothers being offered this 'choice' should know that it is only
ever as open as the adopters want it to be. No agreement in her favour
is ever enforceable.
Look at it this way, 'homes' for 'unwed mothers', as they were so
quaintly called, are a kind of death row of motherhood.
'Open' adoption gives these mothers the choice of watching their motherhood
tortured to death slowly with the blindfold off; 'closed' adoption
with the blindfold on.
It's no wonder the suicide rate for mothers of children lost to adoption
is so high.
My daughter was born in 1974 and passed from my body into the hands
of strangers who have seen fit to call me names like bitch and 'dag'
(Australian for pathological lack of style, like 'frump') and slut
(which needs no translation).
Another interesting use of language in adoption is the way would-be
adopters are already referred to as 'adoptive parents' before they've
even got their hands on a child. Pregnant women as still only referred
to as 'mothers to be'. Parental status is conferred on adopters merely
by their wish to adopt, often the healthiest, whitest, newest infant
born to a mentally stable mother they can find.
I have attended meetings where would-be adopters have flatly refused
considering adoption of any child with special needs. If there are
'unwanted' children these are it.
And remember, adoption is not about unwanted children, it is about
unwanted mothers. - 05 June 2002 - Sydney Australia
Bonnie Hughes | url
I am a mother, a mother who had her newborn daughter stolen from
her at birth, apprehended in the hospital by a social worker when
I was seeking help for me and my baby. This was in Michigan in 1970.
This was when I was 6 months pregnant. Apprehension means that at
that time the social worker started the process of stealing my baby
from me, because I was unwed, and unwed ONLY. Her agenda was set as
I sought help in a hospital, a place I saw as a place of safety.
I understand and respect the intent of Birthmothers Day, but I will
never celebrate this day as it is demeaning to me and minimizes the
crime that was committed against my daughter and myself. I am a mother
and the mother of 3 children, not the mother of 2 raised children
and 1 child adopted out, sold to strangers. I see Birthmother's Day
as another adoption lie as we attempt to debunk the lies. I celebrate
Mothers Day, just like the normal folk do ;-) Happy Mother's Day to
all mothers who who have lost their children through the greed of
~ peace ~ bonnie - 14 May 2002 - Yukon, Territory
Bonnie Hughes | url
'You Went to Live With Strangers'
You went to live with strangers
in a time when parents say,
you do not go with strangers,
turn, scream and then you run away.
You went to live with strangers
I did not have a say.
I did not choose these strangers and
I tried to run away.
You went to live with strangers
taken by a stranger too,
a social worker who told me Bonnie,
'Strangers are better for your baby then you.'
I saw you as a baby
I think when you were two,
in the company of strangers
I knew not what to do.
I stood confused and scared inside
and knew not what to do.
Should I take you, run and scream as I was taught?
But they made me a stranger too.
You went to live with strangers
and in the years since two,
the strangers they would teach you lies, because this is all that
strangers can do.
You went to live with strangers
she pretended to be mother to you,
they guessed, speculated and pretended to know, what had happened
to me and you.
You went to live with strangers,
who said that I was young, they knew not me, they would not see, what
really had been done.
And now I am the stranger,
you show me everyday,
you went to live with strangers,
and there's nothing more to say.
copyright ~ Bonnie Hughes ~ mother~
Mother's Day ~ May 12, 2002
- 14 May 2002 - Yukon, Territory
My sister was born September 6,1975 to my mother Carol Carter, father
Keith, and me, the older sister-I was born October 1973. My grandmother
already had custody of me and usually cared for me. Carol was in and
out of mental hospitals and had addiction problems. My sister, Lori
Elisabeth, was loved and cared for by our grandmother, too. My mother
secretly gave Lori up, and has never said much illuminating about
it. She says she felt forced because she had lost me to her mother,
and felt she wanted some control of where her babies lived. Really,
it's just so sad. Lori should have been with me here in my life, there
was love and family here for her. My mother had lost me to her mother,
and wanted me back with her. She says she couldn't go through more
of the same-She did though...but worse..now Lori is really gone. Otherwise
my mother, although not able to raise her, could know her and still
be a family...I'll never get over this...I miss her and remember her
every day. - 12 May 2002 - Houston, Texas
Happy Mother's Day. To all mothers. This is not amom day it is for
those who have given birth and are by that fact -- Mothers --
America can we become so brainwashed and confused by such simple facts.
Shelley * Mother of Ashley - 12 May 2002 - Suncoast Florida
Robin | url
I have to say that I feel the 'Birth' mother's day ceremonies were
something that was created in good faith to help the Mother who has
suffered this horrible loss. One of my best friends is responsible
for bringing this ceremony and observance to the southeast. However,
after almost 10 years in reunion, I see this as another example of
us taking the back seat on the bus. We are just as much Mothers as
anyone else, more so, in my opinion, than adopters, and we should
be just as free to celebrate and BE celebrated on Mother's Day as
any other Mom. I would change the blessing to read, 'Blessed be the
REAL Mother!' JMO
Robin - 10 May 2002 - Florida
I am so happy to find you! This is everything I have felt...My family
continues to ignore the pain that I have felt since my spirit died..I
have found my daughter and this is my triumph..however she wants no
contact?..I have written two letters and silence..by the grace of
God I will have some type of relationship..I have two young daughters
now after twenty years later..They are great and have brought lots
of needed healing..I have been in and out of hospitals for 'unresolved
grief'..I did everything to hurt myself..it was nothing compared the
pain of my baby ripped from me..count me in as number twenty three..My
breasts full of milk and I was still bleeding.they ripped my baby
from me...I tried to keep for a few weeks and EVERYONE turned thier
backs on us!!.I asked everyone for help..parents..agency..a nurse...I
was so ostracized no help what so ever.. to lift a finger not even
a kind word...this soceity doesn't believe in motherhood and were
are upon Mother's Day.. I have very very mixed feelings...I am not
Catholic anymore...I am very protective of my children..They still
blame me and the pain that I caused to them and how horrible it was
for me to be so insensitive to parents and family and that IT was
MY Descision to sign those papers...I am angry...Rene - 09 May
2002 - Chicago Illinois
I just wanted to say that my prayers are with you all this Mother's
Day as we all grieve in our own way the loss that we have suffered.
(Even though I am just the grandmother)God Bless and may He restore!
- 07 May 2002 - USA
Birth Mother's Day Pledge
We are gathered this day,
this Eve of Mother's Day,
to honor ourselves, the Birth-givers.
We are gathered to honor ourselves as mothers of sons and mothers
We are gathered this day to remember our children and to celebrate
to send the message,
'We have not forgotten you.'
We call upon our friends, our families, and our communities to remember
our existence and to honor us.
We call upon those who received their parenthood through our sorrow,
to remember, and to say thank-you.
We proclaim this day, this Eve of Mother's Day, a day for Birth Mothers.
- 05 May 2002 - Seattle, Washington
Breaking the Silence - Mary Jean Marsh
On the Eve of Mother's Day the Birth Mothers have gathered together.
We who lost children gather to honor one another and to remember the
hard path of this journey.
To those who raise praises of our unselfishness,and sing the virtues
of adoption- We say 'Be still and listen.'
We ask you to remember what was done to us -in the name of what's
We are the mothers for whom there was no welcome from our families
and communities. We are the mothers
who were expelled from our schools and fired from our jobs. Who were
to strangers or distant relatives-
hidden from view in our parent's house,
and locked up in 'Homes' for the crime of becoming mothers.
We are the mothers who were signed into maternity wards under false
names. Who labored alone, or were drugged for our deliveries- We were
not permitted to see or to hold our newborn child
because our being was shameful.
We are the mothers whose youth or poverty whose fear and shame forced
our decision. Who signed papers falsely explained to us, or were handed
within hours of our child's birth.
(continued next post) - 05 May 2002 - Seattle, Washington
Breaking the Silence - Marsh continued
We are the family that was dis-membered
to make another family possible. We were told our children were better
off with strangers and would not notice our absence.
Our childless counselors and the celibate priests, and those married
with children said- 'Go on with your life.' 'Forget.' 'It is best.'
'Time will heal.' 'You will have other children.'
And turning away they spoke only of the joy of those who received
as tho it was now the only story.
They left us sealed records and searing memories.We lived in silence,
and pain so terrible it stole our voices.
We lived in silence so insufferable it has cracked of its own weight.
Now we find one another we find our children,
we find ourselves. No longer will we be spoken for by those who led
us to the wilderness and left us there.
The silence breaks and slowly the world changes. If things are different
now for the new mothers who join our number-
It is because of what the older sisters suffered, and the ways it
marked and haunted their lives, and the lives of their children.
Losing a child is still a wilderness,
and each mother makes the journey alone.
Today we honor this journey in one another. We reclaim our joy in
the birth of our children. We honor our love and our connection to
them, which ink and paper do not sever. We name ourselves Mothers-
Mothers of sons and daughters Mothers of mothers and fathers.
This day we tell our stories without shame. We honor one another and
we honor ourselves saying-
'Blessed be the Birth Mothers! Blessed Be!' - 05 May 2002 -
Birth Mothers Day was a day started by a group of birthmothers in
Seattle some 13 years ago - for and about birthmothers - whose very
existance was ignored and disregarded.
Here are the facts:
Today we are celebrating and honoring the birth mothers -- mothers
who are accounted for by anonymous statistics, secrecy, and silence.
Mothers whose stories are part of the unrecorded history of women.
Their motherhood was regarded as a mistake to be hidden, and their
children were sent away and made strangers.
Not every birth mother here was unmarried at the time she lost her
child, and some who have more recently surrendered their children
may be less burdened by the secrecy of the past.
But we have all experienced the loss of our children.
Yet, in the national celebration of Mother's Day we will not be named
or remembered. As mothers of relinquished sons and daughters, our
motherhood is ignored by our families, the community and even by some
of those who received their children through our loss.
For most of us, it has been a day of invisibility, isolation and hidden
Thirteen years ago a group of birth mothers from the Children's Home
Society birth parent support group decided to change that isolation.
We decided to celebrate our motherhood, a celebration denied to most
of us at the time of our child's birth.
We decided to create a day of our own. We claimed the eve of Mother's
Day to be our day of recognition. We named it Birth Mother's Day.
This day seemed especially appropriate because our motherhood comes
before and foreshadows the motherhood of another. Our intention was
not to detract from those who are parenting children, but rather to
find a way to include ourselves and our experiences among those who
are honored as mothers.
We are taking the risk of stepping forward to share our experience.
We name ourselves mothers.
We break the silence and promote healing and reconciliation.
We reconcile with our children, our families, the adoptive parents.
Most importantly, we reconcile with ourselves.
Please stand as we read together the Birth Mother's Day Pledge found
on the back of your program: - 05 May 2002 - Seattle Washington
I am a mother of four with seven grands.It grieves me that there are
so many hurting families because of adoption. Our family is one of
them, as two of our grands were adopted back in 1998, by a couple
who claimed to be christians. It's been 28 months since the adopters
have terminated our contact with the kids, we miss them beyond measure.
I love the Lord, and I believe the Bible is truth. At times,I blamed
God for this tragdey that came upon our family. Yet it's not God's
fault that other people are decietful,it's the selfish hearts of men.
May I add, that as for the abortion issue, I too have had one and
almost had another one with my youngest son. Abortion is never a good
alternative to adoption.
Jer 1:5 says(I knew you before you were formed within your mother's
womb...) God doesn't make mistakes, people do. If I would have had
my son aborted, I would not have his two beautiful children to love.
For those who think God is sitting on His throne and making choices
as to who is the better mother, I don't believe for one minute this
is true.As christians, we too have felt first hand the sting of those
who consider themselves to be self-righteous. The Bible clearly states
that in the last days, that these kinds of things will happen; neighbor
against neighbor. The Bible says to 'beware of wolves who come in
God grieves with us all who have lost precious children to adoption,
whether by our own choice or by deceit. The tenth commandment says
(Exod 20:17 'You shall not covet your neighbor's house; your neighbor's
wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor
his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's.'(NKJ)
To desire other people's children is coveting. In the end,those who
have caused great grief and pain will have to stand before the judgement
seat of God and give account for what they have done; and as many
people have said to me about what the adopters have done to our family...Woe,
be to them!
I pray that people will realize that it is better to 'adopt' a struggling
family than to take their God given rights & loved ones away from
them. May God Bless ...In Christ's love...Maggie - 26 April 2002
Sharen L. Barnett
My daughter gave up my first granddaughter to adoption, because of
an adoption attorney, well-known around the U.S.and concerned mostly
with racking up the numbers amd keeping up his lifestyle. She was
called by him while still sleeping from the birth process and administered
drugs. A social worker called him and gave my daughter's name and
room number to him. Never having dealt with anything legal other than
paying a speeding ticket, she did what the authority figure told her
was the best course of action. He also led her to believe she had
time to change her mind. And the baby would remain at the hospital.
Born on the 18th of March 2002, she was taken out of state on the
20th by the adoptive parents. We are currently fighting to bring her
home. Very few attorneys want to go against this adoption attorney
because he is so powerful he has even had legislation changed in IN.
to further his business. Kirsh has a very nice brochure online telling
of his wonderful experience adopting his own children and wanting
to help others because of it. Please think of us in our endeavors
and if you have an extra, a prayer would be much appreciated. - 23
April 2002 - LaCrosse, IN 46348-9757
In losing my son to adoption, it was Children's Aid Society (of Utah)
social workers who master-minded the seizure of my infant baby. The
law they cited, on the 'relinquishment' form, was REPEALED. Additionally,
the notary was fraudulent. And, the supervising social worker was
NOT a social worker at all. This and other social workers at CAS accused
me of horrible crime which they then corrupted my files with. Fighting
these social workers at CAS to correct the false information has been
as much a nightmare as losing my son.
When I read your short article 'The Lies of CAS' by Cathrine (no last
name) it gave me comfort to know I'm not alone in being victimized
by Children's Aid Society. Thank you, for that information.
Children's Aid Society must be stopped. This agency's social workers
are not regulated, and there's no accountability pertinent to CAS.
There either must be, or the agency must be put out of business.
My son has the kind of life I dreaded would happen, when I was pregnant
with him. Now, I'm so heartbroken and anguished. I did not want my
son to have to go through the trials I've gone through--of not knowing
his roots and that he is loved by his natural mother, me.
Thank you, again. Kathy C. - 21 April 2002
i'm glad you have this site it has really hleped with my science paper.
- 18 April 2002 - hawaii
Rebecca Laura Holden | url
I am an adult adoptee and victim of the Child Welfare System and
Adoption. I was reunited with my birth mom, on September 27, 2000.
I keep in contact with her on a regular basis. - 15 April 2002
Karissa Anne Lowell | url
I agree with you. Adoption is a multimillion dollar thing each year.
Visit my webtsite about the truth about the child welfare system.
- 12 April 2002 - Chicago, Illinois
Finally I have found the affirmation that I have been searching for
right here! This is the reality!! I, too, have been suffering immensely
since I was forced to surrender my child to adoption! Thank you for
really telling the truth about adoption. I only hope that many women
can be spared the life-long grief that we have had to endure since
that signing. I stand with all my birthmother 'sisters', and I pray
that we will all eventually be restored in our souls. 'He restores
my soul'. - 06 April 2002 - Stanwood, WA
I am a birth mother hurt by adoption! My two kids were taken from
me by the system in California and now I long to hold them and love
them! I remember every year how much my kids loved me and how my son
called his would be stepdad daddy and how we all three cried when
they stoled him from me for the last time and my daughter I tried
to fight but Satan won that battle to as the adopted her out also
now I sit here and cry and wonder why I was such a bad bad Mommy to
lose my two angels still after years and years after they both have
been adopted out! I pray that one day they will look for me as I will
always be looking for them born 102388 and 032291 God only know how
much I miss my kids! Another will never replace there love nor the
love I have for them! - 31 March 2002 - California
Sally R. Bohunicki (Williams) |
I am an 39 year old female adoptee from Michigan. My birthmother
was only 14 years old when she gave birth to me...Her surname at that
time was CONGDON and from what i hear she got pregnant by her own
brother!! My heart goes out to her and other birthmother's that have
gone through this. I would love to meet my birthmother but i would
be happy just knowing her family's medical history and heritage information.
I was born in Jackson, Michigan on 12/23/1962. I am married (Big mistale
lol) and have a beautiful 6 1/2 year old daughter, who looks like
me in a way...the reddish blonde hair and blue eyes. I look at her
and thank god for his precious gift! She is alot like me which drives
me crazy!! LOL but she is a part of me and i love her with all of
my being... I almost went through an abortion when i was a teenager
and i ended up not being pregnant after all! Thank god!! My adopted
parents loved me very much, but i had a sister that seemed to be jealous
and hated me. I have grown up feeling lost and trying to find out
where part of me is and why i am like i am!!
Thank you all for listening!! Best wishes to everyone! :) - 28
March 2002 - USA-- Michigan
This is the kind of behaviour that hurts all of us. It seems that
a little compassion and empathy is in order. There is good and bad
in every situation and that certainly includes adoption. Why anyone
would want to blast or denigrate someone who has done the best they
could in a very painful situation is beyond me. Not every woman who
becomes pregnant will be able to be a good mother to her child but
on the same hand not every adoptive mother will win mother of the
year either. Not every situation is the same and although I'm sure
there are many happy adoptions, I don't believe there are very many
happy birthmothers in the adoption triad. Giving up a child is not
an easy thing and for most of us not done as a convenience. I was
counselled by many
well meaning adults that the best thing for the baby was to let her
be adopted. Well, not a day goes by that I don't wonder if I did the
right thing by surrenduring my child to adoption. Are the parents
still together, did they love her as their own, was she abused, does
she know (or care) about me.....the questions will never end. I hope
one day to find her and I hope to God she is open minded and at least
willing to try to understand my decision. I had very little options
and 'chose' what I thought to be the best option at the time. Knowing
what I know today I would not choose adoption. I cannot speak for
anyone else but for me it has been 30 years of pain. - 28 March
2002 - maryland
Sarah Jane, I am so happy to meet someone who feels exactly the same
as I do. I have been battling with adoptive mothers for months now,
about God and adoption. My theory is...These women who adopt and feel
it is a 'gift' from God, are just plain whacked!! How DARE them think
that God has deemed us unworthy, and allowed us horrific undescribable
pain in order to provide them with the joy of motherhood.
I'm very new to the adoption triad, I placed my baby 8 months ago
in open adoption. I have read over the stories and info of this site
here, and told myself, 'No, stay away from here. Its all negative.'
But I just had to respond to your post, Sarah Jane. I think we may
be alike in many ways. If you would like to talk about this further,
dont hesitate to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org">email@example.com
A note: Open adoption is not another term for co-parenting. Pictures
and letters does not heal the pain of the first mom. Many adoptive
parents think this. I cry for my baby every night, alone. My personal
life has become non-existent. I have not had sexual relations in almost
19 months (since I got preg). I have a fear of ALL men. I cant and
will never trust them. I will never be married, nor will I ever have
any more kids. The regret and guilt I feel for placing my daughter
is enormous at the fact that I wasnt able to care for her. but I can
tell you that I was deeply touched by the stories on this site. I
can not imagine the horror...having your child taken from you at birth,
with no choice in the matter.
May you & your children heal. - 28 March 2002 - USA
When the request was posted on Adoptioncafe, I asked that people please
avoid this site if they did not agree, and stated that women who have
been hurt by adoption should be left alone to heal as best they can.
I knew that my adoption experience hurt, but I did not realize how
much until I read some of the responses by adoptive parents. I can
hardly believe they feel I am so much less worthy than they are to
raise my child. There was even a discussion implying that birthmothers
were part of some divine plan by god for them to have children. It
is really sad that their morality and religion allows them to give
us a less than human status, and the same religion that gave them
our children to have as their own will allow them to compleatly disreguard
me as less than they are. I guess they have some special arrangment
with god, well, if that is the case, I would rather go to hell than
to worship a god that feels my feelings are disposable, and feels
my pain is a fair cost for their joy!
I was doing okay with my adoption decision, even the lies and manipulation
dealt out by the agency that used me, I cannot handle though the attirude
that I am somehow inferior to adoptive parents, because they adopted,
and I lost a child. It makes me want to ask who god loves more, me,
the woman who is chronically pregnant, or them, the ones he did not
feel were worthy to carry out the gene pool. Who is really the inferior
party? I use to think none were, I use to feel we were equals in different
stages of our lives, I no longer feel that way. I feel they are jelous
of our ability to conceive and carry a child to term, and feel the
need to degrade us for their own inadaquicies. - 27 March 2002
Debi | url
I am a 49 yr old former adoptee, who found my family in 1992, and
reunited with them at the age of 45 in 1998. I decided to search for
my family at the age of 40, after realizing that there was still something
missing in my life. I had spent my life trying to fit in and never
did. I was born full blooded Native American and was told by my adopting
parents that I was wanted by them and that my own family did not want
me. I found out after reuniting that my mother had been lied to and
told I was going to temporary care and she was forced to sign papers
that she could not read to understand what she was doing. In 1952
the social agencies felt that I was being saved from a terrible life
on the reservation. Well, I was not saved by anything, my adoptive
parents were both drinkers and my adoptive mother died from abuse
of prescription drugs.
I am now in the process of trying to get to know my own family and
learn my cultural beliefs and catch up on what I missed. In 1978,
the federal government passed what is known as the Indian Child Welfare
Act, which was a poor excuse for all Native American stolen children.
There has never been any apology or compensation for the damage that
we as Native children suffered. Both of my parents were already passed
on when I found my way home and there are many days when I wish I
could have just one minute with them.
I look forward to reading more of your words and getting to know some
of you. Is there a chat forum for this site?? I think there is a need
for a chat forum for American adoptees so that we can share and maybe
heal. - 24 March 2002 - Lummi Nation Reservation, WA, USA
I am a 31 year old adoptee. I was adopted at birth. I am very pleased
to meet you all and for the birthmothers in particular, thank you.
I have tried once to contact my birthmother and she declined contact,
she did accept a letter as far as I know she received it (sent through
LSS). I am going to try again, I have the forms right here but it
is a difficult process emotionally and it is taking a bit for me to
work up the courage. I thank you for expressing feelings I never imagined
she might have. I have always felt I was not good enough - why else
would the only woman in the world who is suppose to love me unconditionally
give me away? It hurt very deeply and continues to be a daily issue
but due in great part to reading on this site and my participation
on Adoption Insights I am beginning to heal.
In case I never meet my birthmother and for some of you who may never
be reunited with your child/children - please know you are loved.
Jen - 23 March 2002 - Wisconsin
I am one of a number of mothers who believed that 'it was best for
my child.' Now, in reunion, i and many others in reunion support groups
have discovered the truth: it was NOT best and our children were badly
hurt by being separated from us. Check out http://www.geocities.com/beba_online/babies.html.
Yes, happy adoptees do exist, but many are NOT happy - my own son
was suicidal before I found him. It has been a long journey to help
him heal. - 22 March 2002
Shelley | @
I happened to be reading the posts here and I've been wondering if
there will ever be a resolution between natural mothers and adopters.
Even though some of these adoptions took place in other decades or
eras apparently many issues remain the same.
And that is sad.
Shelley - 22 March 2002 - Florida
I'm very disappointed that my posting disappeared. I posted last week.
I am a birthmother who was pressured by all of the adults in my life
- Doctors, parents, pastor, adoption couselors, etc...that giving
my baby up for adoption would be the best thing for both of us. Today
I believe that was a lie. It was just more convenient for my family
and they didn't have to be embarrassed by my 'mistake'. I am 50 years
old now and still feel the whole in my heart from losing my first
born child. I do wish there had been someone to help me find a way
to keep my daughter. - 22 March 2002 - Maryland
For all the pro-adoption spammers out there, I will be in the room
when my granddaughter's baby is born. My daughter wants this to cement
her 'roots' and show that no baby will ever leave our family again.
The truths that she has discovered about her relinquishment have not
put any barriers between her and her adopters (who are now deceased)
but have definitely made her believe that abortion is preferable to
the grief-laden limbo of adoption. There seems to be no compassion
among the pro-adoption factors for the very real pain of the Mother
and her child. I guess it's just more important that you see that
the 'right kind of people' raise children in this country? Hmmmmmm.
I would very seriously doubt that you would leave a message from me
on your board without deleting it. This site is not about debate,
but action. We're not here to change your minds but to see that every
woman gets ALL the information from the 'horses mouths' as it were.
If adoption is sooooo wonderful, it should be able to stand up to
what we are doing.
Robin - 22 March 2002
I posted a message here earlier this week. I came to see if I had
any responses today and am disappointed to see it was not posted.
I understand that you may be under the impression that I had posted
it as a result of the message on adoption.com but I can assure you
that I did not even know of the message posted there, nor would I
have heeded such a message. I spoke truthfully from my heart in my
message, being an adoptee, and wanted to pass on my message of gratitude,
honour and reverence to all the birthmothers who visit here... I feel
all this for my birthmother who I hope to meet one day. I wanted them
to know that I, for one (as I can only speak for myselft) have never
felt negative about my birthmother and that she always has and always
will hold a very precious place in my heart. I have read so many painful
life experiences on this site and if my message can provide even an
ounce of solace to one birthmother who reads it, I think it should
be posted. I wish nothing but healing and peace of heart to all (birth
mothers, adoptees and adoptive parents) who have been involved in
adoption. I hope that our society has learned (at least some) and
continues to learn all the ramifications that adoptions can have on
all those inolved... resulting in future adoptions that are truly
open, supportive, non-judgemental, kind of spirit, respectful, and
caring to all that CHOOSE (not coerced, not guilted, not forced) to
involve themselves in adoptions.
Peace to all. - 22 March 2002 - Vancouver BC Canada
Tina | url
I am trully sorry for all of the bad things that have happened to
all of you on this site. But it seems to me that the webmisstress
of this site is stuck in the '60's with that 'conspiracy theory' mentality.
Quote 'an adoption-industry-sponsored' Proof please? Or maybe she's
a comunist who doesn't believe in free speech? - 22 March 2002
Webmistress comments: - Dear Tina - Adoption.com, which
runs your support-group board, is a marketting/advertising firm that
advertises and promotes adoption." It is thus part of the adoption
industry,even if it is not an agency. Here is the company info from
the Arizona Corporation Commission at http://www.cc.state.az.us/corp:
State of Arizona Public Access System
File Number: 0886967
Corporation Name: ADOPTION.COM, INC.
Business Type: TECHNOLOGY (COMPUTERS)
Corporation Type: BUSINESS
Status: DELINQUENT ANNUAL REPORT 09/06/2001
As for the rest of your message (giving an example of a message on
Adoption.com that supports BEBA), other messages similar to this posted
on Adoption.com have been routinely deleted in the past. The industry
wants no part of anything that might discourage relinquishment.
'The young woman with poor self-esteem and low assertiveness might
take decades or forever to drop her denial and collusion with the
beliefs pedalled by the agency.' - Dr. Rickarby
'If the demand for adoptable babies continues to exceed the supply...
Then it is quite possible that, in the near future, unwed mothers
will be 'punished' by having their children taken from them right
after birth.' He explains that: 'A policy like this would not be executed
- nor labelled explicitly as 'punishment'. Rather, it would be implemented
by such pressures and labels as - scientific findings, the best interest
of the child, rehabilitation of the unwed mother, and the stability
of family and society.' - Clark Vincent (1961)
And even now, 40 years later, women are still brainwashed to think
that their babies NEED 'two parent families.' And open adoptions still
close. And adopters still divorce. And young women still have to convince
themselves that they have done the best thing they could for their
I'm one of the 25 reunited mothers who put together this site. In
reunion, we have all found our children SEVERELY emotionally damaged
by adoption. We found the hard way that adoption is seldom 'in the
child's best interest.' This site is our truth. Yes, it is angry,
but we NEVER HAD A CHOICE to keep our children. And now our children
are paying the price. - 21 March 2002 - BC, Canada
It seems odd to me that there should be an anti-adoption group like
this. Sure, stand up against the tactics of the sleazy adoption agencies.
Those agencies victimize adoptive parents, too.
But to take a stand against adoption entirely --that's extreme and
The biggest beef a lot of people here have is that 'open adoption'
arrangements don't involve an iron-clad, legally enforeable commitment
by adtoptive parents. But there are good reasons for this that protect
the rights of the child.
First, things change. And parents need to be able to make decisions
in the best interest of the child. To hold them to a pre-arranged
situation that might not work out is rigid and could put the child
But more importantly, few families would want to give an outside party
the right to haul them into court at will and turn their lives upside-down,
challenge custody of their kids, etc. And THAT WOULD be the result
of making open-adoption arrangements legally enforceable. No one in
his or her right mind would ever sign up for that kind of risk. And
such fights would be HORRIBLE for a child to witness.
Making the open arrangements enforceable in court would be the death
of open adoption, plain and simple. - 21 March 2002 - Mich
Webmistress comments: - Yes, James, things do change.
The first parent needs to be able to make her own decision in the
best interest of the child, that best interest being that a child
needs to be raised by the family of origin. To hold a first parent
to a pre-arranged situation (adoption) that might change (there may
be problems with the adopters that show up after the adoption,: physical,
sexual or mental abuse, violence, mental disorders ect.) Natural families
do have outside parties that turn their lives upside down and challenge
custody of their kids. This happens in the form of "well meaning"
relatives or friends and it happens in the form of adoption brokers
and social workers. Adoption is rigid and does put the child at risk.
Adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Yes, enforceable
openadoption will be the death of adoption. That is a good thing.
If you truly believe in the best interests of the child then with
some soul searching you will come to understand that adoption serves
only the interests of the adopters.
thank you so much ofr being here. I thought i was doing a good thing
at the time because my life was so bad, and really it was just lawyers
and the a parents taking advantage of me. The doctor was mean to me,
the attorney, jerry kaminsky, the attorney's secretary, etc.. I feel
so bad i gave my child to heartless people whrn really i was trying
to protect her. The whole neighborhood talks about me. they make up
lies that i sold her. i didnt get anything out of this. i was just
trying to do the right thing,my parents and baby's father were abusive.
I was only 17. I tried to get the attorney to give the a parents my
contact info so they could just let me know if she was ok. I gave
them the best gift anyone could give and they wont even tell me she's
OK. i still think abortion is wrong, but i wish someone would have
told me about open adoption or tried to help me keep her... - 20
Hi, I am on a desperate search for my birth mother. If anyone has
any sites that are great for posting messages PLEASE suggest so.
lynda_coulter @ hotmail.com - 13 March 2002 - Alberta, Canada
loveangel | | url
Hi, if you are looking for someone, come on over and sign
my guest book, I have over 500 links on my site, that could help you,
pass this on to anyone that is searching,thank you. - 12 March
2002 - usa