"Birthmothers" Open Adoption Stories
   "Adoption practice works on the premise that, in order to save the child,
   one must first destroy its mother." - Dian Wellfare, founder of Origins Inc.

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dear birthmother letters


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The Lies of CAS (Children's Aid Society)
by Cathy H.

This is an excerpt, reprinted with permission, from a response to an adopted person who was told some extremely hurtful things by the Children's Aid Society of Ontario, when he requested information on his natural parents. Catherine, who lost her son to adoption, responded:

I would not believe everything the CAS tell you - they (and the CCAS which I had to deal with) are famous for making up information as they go along - I found at least 20 mistakes on my non-id to my son, not to mention the mistakes and omissions on the non-id of his birthfather and even himself. You just would not believe the lies the CAS tell about people - mainly so the adoptee doesn't want to find the birthparents and that it makes it harder for searching.

I had put my son into foster care as I was being abused and stalked by an ex-boyfriend who was a mental patient. He deluded himself that he was my son's father when he was not. Sadly, he kept telling the CCAS that he was the father. I kept telling the CCAS that he wasn't.

The CCAS said that I didn't know who the father was - that was very upsetting for me as I did know and told them. My son's birthfather tried to see our son (he was still legally the father) but was refused access at the time. The social worker then told him that I didn't know who the father was, that I was a slut that sleep with countless men, that I didn't want our son (BIG LIE!) and that he probably wasn't the father. When he heard all this, he signed the papers and left me because of countless lies he was told. He has since tracked me down and begged for forgiveness - he said that the authorities had confused him and convinced him that I was a terrible person and that he wasn't the father. They convinced him that my son needed to be taken from me for his welfare and that I was unfit to parent.  He didn't abandon me in the true sense of the word - when our son was born he was thousands of miles away. He got on a plane,  proposed to me and wanted to support me and our son.  He was chased away behind my back with lies. He now has great regrets and guilt over leaving me. I forgive him as he was as much a victim as I was.

I am pleased to say that for the past 13 years, my son's birthfather has been helping me to search and together we have found our son. We have both written to him - his birthfather still cares about him and still gets upset over not being allowed to hold his son as a baby. I feel what the CCAS did to us was immoral as well as illegal - all they wanted to do was break up me and my son's father to get my baby at any cost. It was common practice at the time to remove any support that the birthmother was able to get including chasing the father away and then claim that the father abandoned the mother.

Before you come to any conclusions about anything CAS tells you about your natural parents, please ask your natural parents first. You would be amazed at the agency lies that surround adoption.


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