"Birthmothers" Open Adoption Stories
   "Adoption practice works on the premise that, in order to save the child,
   one must first destroy its mother." - Dian Wellfare, founder of Origins Inc.


Domestic Infant Adoption Facts  
"Why BIRTHMOTHER Means BREEDER" by Diane Turski
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"Failed Adoption" and "Birthmother Scams" - What is the Preventative Solution?

Picture this: A mother or father (probably both of them) have decided to take responsibility and raise their own child. Ordinarily, this would be considered ideal, but in modern American society, it is considered by some to be a "failed adoption". How odd. Rather than saying the mother "came to her senses in time" people claim she is scamming some stranger out of their baby. They don't call the mother her child's actual mother, either. People say the prospective baby buyer is the "real mother" - and the mother herself is referred to as a "birthmother" or "birth object" even in advance of the transaction. And while mom is considered to be some sort of baby manufacturing equipment, dad is usually completely ignored.

Why Is It a "Failure" When a Baby Remains With Her Family?

It is NOT a failure when family members stay together. Even the adoption industry may in some cases try to keep siblings together - but then I guess if they can profit by doing it many adoption agencies and attorneys - and state social workers - will think nothing of separating them. Even in cases where they claim they try to keep siblings together one might wonder - wouldn't it be nice to keep the kids with their mother, father, grandparents and other family members if at all possible?

Siblings, it seems are somewhat important, but grandpa (for example) is NOT considered to be of any value at all. What is grandpa? He is just another "birth object", meant to be discarded in favor of the unrelated people hoping to get a baby to use.

With infant adoptions, it is rare that any family member is actually proven to have abused their child. Most of the moms are between 20 and 24 years old, and a great many are in college and are responsible, intelligent people. College students "produce" just the kind of healthy intelligent babies people most like to buy. While the people adopting claim "all the 'birthmothers' are drug-addicted anyway", most of the adoptive baby buyers ensure that the "birth object" they use is screened for drug use, so they don't have to worry.

The Solution to "Failed Adoption" For Adoptive People, Natural Families and Their Children?

People who adopt surely must get frustrated. They are reduced to evaluating "birthmothers" as if they were evaluating which big screen television to buy. Then they get "matched" with an expectant mother and father prior to their child being born - prior to the parents relinquishing parental rights - which can't help but get the prospective adopter's hopes up. And yet a mother and father have every right to keep their child. And a child surely has a right to her true family as well.

The obvious solution to so-called "birthmother scams" and "failed adoptions" is to change the laws so that prospective adoptive people are not selected or "matched" with the parents of the child they hope to get for adoption until after the parental rights have already been surrendered - by both mom and dad.

Of course, that would mean NOT scamming the "birth objects" - and THAT would mean getting fewer babies - and so the "failed adoptions" continue.

 

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