"Birthmothers" Open Adoption Stories
   "Adoption practice works on the premise that, in order to save the child,
   one must first destroy its mother." - Dian Wellfare, founder of Origins Inc.


Domestic Infant Adoption Facts  
"Why BIRTHMOTHER Means BREEDER" by Diane Turski
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dear birthmother letters

 

Married vs. "unmarried" - Pregnancy, Birth and Falling in Love with Your Baby


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Choosing the Best For My Baby

"It's your choice"

Adoption "professionals" will say "It's your choice," and all the while pressure you to "give up" your son or daughter. The truth is that a baby does not need adoptive "parents", a big-screen TV or big house. A baby needs her mother and no other caregiver can take the mother's place - not even the baby's father. Hospitals today try to keep mothers and babies together to prevent the harm that comes from separating them.

Is adoption an "heroic act"?

Adoption (taking in an orphan) may seem heroic but the mother is not doing the adopting - she is being encouraged to surrender her parental rights, legally abandoning her child and turning her child into an "ophan" on paper. This "sacrifice" is known to cause the greatest loss imaginable for a mother - her grieving may be delayed but intense, as she misses out on the opportunity to raise her child. And of course, the child suffers the loss of mother and family as well.

Choosing adoptive parents

There are lots of people experiencing infertility, people who are gay or just don't want ot be bothered with a pregnancy. Most of them believe they are entitled to a baby, even if there are no real orphans to be found. They may have read "Primal Wound" by Nancy Verrier but even then they don't seem to care how a baby might be affected by separation from her mother at birth. They will claim that there are so many mothers who "just don't want" their children. They will rationalize that the mothers are all on crack - but at the same time, the so-called "loving" couple will likely make sure "their birthmother" tests negative for drugs and "the product" they puchase is healthy. Despite all the claims about everything being in the "best interests" of the child, the adoptive "parents" themselves may not be drug tested at all.

When it comes to "choosing" adoptive parents, the adoption agency may restrict the "dear birthmother" letters they provide you for consideration to those of the people who have offered the most money to get a healthy baby. The prospective adoptive "parents" may seem friendly, but it's possible that not a single thing bit of information you get about the prospective adopters will be true. Like a male persuing a female for sex, adoptive "parents" may say they respect you ... until after they get what they want.

Before taking a risk and "choosing" adoption or selecting adoptive parents, find ways to keep your baby. You are her mother and do not need to "choose" motherhood. When she is born, take her home and see whether you can make it work. If you can do it, you will eliminate a lot of psychological risks to you and your child.

A Mother's Song - parenting ideas - may get you started.

 

 
 

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