"It's your choice"
Adoption "professionals" will say "It's your choice,"
and all the while pressure you to "give up" your son
or daughter. The truth is that a baby does not need adoptive "parents",
a big-screen TV or big house. A baby needs her mother and no other
caregiver can take the mother's place - not even the baby's father.
Hospitals today try to keep mothers and babies together to prevent
the harm that comes from separating them.
Is adoption an "heroic act"?
Adoption (taking in an orphan) may seem heroic but the mother
is not doing the adopting - she is being encouraged to surrender
her parental rights, legally abandoning her child and turning
her child into an "ophan" on paper. This "sacrifice"
is known to cause the greatest loss imaginable for a mother -
her grieving may be delayed but intense, as she misses out on
the opportunity to raise her child. And of course, the child suffers
the loss of mother and family as well.
Choosing adoptive parents
There are lots of people experiencing infertility, people who
are gay or just don't want ot be bothered with a pregnancy. Most
of them believe they are entitled to a baby, even if there are
no real orphans to be found. They may have read "Primal
Wound" by Nancy Verrier but even then they don't seem
to care how a baby might be affected by separation from her mother
at birth. They will claim that there are so many mothers who "just
don't want" their children. They will rationalize that the
mothers are all on crack - but at the same time, the so-called
"loving" couple will likely make sure "their birthmother"
tests negative for drugs and "the product" they puchase
is healthy. Despite all the claims about everything being in the
"best interests" of the child, the adoptive "parents"
themselves may not be drug tested at all.
When it comes to "choosing" adoptive parents, the adoption
agency may restrict the "dear birthmother" letters they
provide you for consideration to those of the people who have
offered the most money to get a healthy baby. The prospective
adoptive "parents" may seem friendly, but it's possible
that not a single thing bit of information you get about the prospective
adopters will be true. Like a male persuing a female for
sex, adoptive "parents" may say they respect you ...
until after they get what they want.
Before taking a risk and "choosing" adoption or selecting
adoptive parents, find ways to keep your baby. You are her mother
and do not need to "choose" motherhood. When she is
born, take her home and see whether you can make it work. If you
can do it, you will eliminate a lot of psychological risks to
you and your child.
A Mother's Song - parenting
ideas - may get you started.