Adoption: The Damage
Dear Expectant Mother,
you are considering surrendering your child for adoption,
please reconsider. That unborn baby is your flesh and blood
and your child needs YOU in order to truly thrive.
your baby is born, it is your heartbeat that he or she wishes
to rest against. It is your voice he or she is waiting to
hear. Your sound, your unique scent, the very cells in your
body became known to your child before birth. Bonding is
already accomplished before the first cry is heard.
not deny the wisdom of your own flesh. You need your child
and your child needs you.
"But why does everyone
say I should 'place my baby' for adoption?"
agencies, adoption lawyers, even charities, have an agenda:
to make money. Money for wages, money for expansion,
money for year-end bonuses, and for businesses: profit.
do so, they must convince you to relinquish your baby (now
called "making an adoption plan") so they can broker that
baby to a paying customer for a fee. The agency might
tell you that adoption is "in the best interest of your
child" or play upon your natural nervousness about whether
you will be a good parent. DON'T BELIEVE THEM - all
evidence says that the "best interest of your child" is
to remain with you and your extended family. Resources
are out there to help you keep your baby.
remember: unless yours was a virgin birth, don't hesitate
to call upon the natural father or his family for support!
He has a responsibility to support the baby created by the
two of you. IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO!
The Effects of Adoption on Your Baby:
If you surrender
your baby to adoption, you will be condemning him or her
to suffer these proven harmful effects:
1. The severe trauma
of being separated from you will radiate throughout every
aspect of your baby's life. Your baby will experience
your loss as the psychological death of his mother. There
will never be closure.
2. Your baby will
know the difference between you and his female adopter
because he has bonded with you during your pregnancy.
He knows your scent and your heartbeat. He seaches for
the smell of your milk - not hers.
3. Your baby will
feel abandoned by you, often resulting in a lifelong inability
to trust anyone.
4. Your baby will
always wonder why you didn't keep him and will blame himself
for not being lovable enough to keep - a todder's realization
that they were adopted. Many adult adopted people find
they still carry this feeling inside - and it influences
adult relationships (see Relinquishment
5. As your baby
grows up, your child may feel like a misfit and will suffer
from low self esteem.
6. Your child may
think about you constantly. This may cause your child
to have difficulty concentrating on his schoolwork. Your
child will be labeled a "dreamer" and a "bad student,"
further harming his chances for success in life.
7. Your child's
adopters may not understand his lack of concentration
and he could easily be misdiagnosed with Attention Deficit
Disorder (ADD). If misdiagnosed, they will force your
child to take drugs that he doesn't need.
8. Your child will
lose his true identity while his adopters try to force
him to be like them.
9. Your child will
have no sense of his past which will make it difficult
for him to envision his future.
10. Your child may suppress
his true feelings and live an emotionally-numb life in
order to survive the tragedy of his separation from you
compounded by his adoption.
11. As your child becomes
an adolescent he will have great difficulty establishing
a sense of self because he will have no sense of his true
history or heritage.
12. As your child becomes
an adult he may have difficulty choosing a career and
a mate due to his fear of commitment and abandonment.
13. Your child's adopters
will probably not acknowledge that raising an adopted
child is different from raising a child of their own.
They will further burden him by telling him that he should
forget about you and be grateful that they adopted him
and gave him a home because you did not.
14. Nothing anyone does
or says can ever make up for the loss of your child's
15. You will never be
able to change the past and undo the lifelong adverse
effects of adoption on your child!
How do we know this?
Because we are a twenty five reunited mothers who have
consistently witnessed first-hand these consequences in
our found-children and the children of several hundred
other natural mothers.
The Research Is In!
"I believe that the connection
established during the nine months in utero is a profound
connection, and it is my hypothesis that the severing
of that connection in the original separation of the adopted
child from the birth mother causes a primal or narcissistic
wound, which affects the adoptee's sense of Self and often
manifests in a sense of loss, basic mistrust, anxiety
and depression, emotional and/or behavioral problems,
and difficulties in relationships with significant others."
" It is difficult
to face the fact that by definition every adopted child
is an abandoned child, who has suffered a devastating
loss. No matter that the adoptive parents call it relinquishment
and the birth mother calls it surrender, the child experiences
it as abandonment.
" The trauma of
being separated from the mother, therefore, results in
patterns of behavior, emotional responses, and the sense
of Self and others, which will be different from that
which would have occurred had there been no trauma.
" It can no longer
be assumed that one can replace the biological mother
with another "primary caregiver" without the child’s being
both aware of the substitution and traumatized by it.
The mother/infant bond takes many forms and the communication
between them is unconscious, instinctual, and intuitive."