It was then
that I began to suspect that these ridiculous "birth"
terms were not merely being applied in a benign attempt at political
correctness. Was it possible that the adoption industry intended
to insult us by applying these ridiculous labels to us? Is it
possible that we mothers have been so naive that we haven't
yet realized their true intent? Could it be that we are insulting
ourselves every time that we apply or allow others to apply
these ridiculous terms to us?
Investigating,
I learned that U.S. social workers had collaborated about 30
years ago to invent their own list of contrived terms to appease
their adopting clients. Adopters no longer wanted anyone to
use the original term "natural mothers." Why? Three
reasons: 1) it indicated respect for the mother's true relationship
to her child - she could not be written-off as a "convenient
slut" whose only value was reproduction, 2) it recognized
that the sacred mother/child relationship extended past birth
and even past surrender, and 3) it implied that the adoptive
mother's relationship to the child was unnatural.
The adoption
industry didn't want adoption to be considered unnatural - they
could lose customers this way! After all, people were paying
good money for "a child of their own."
Adopters
didn't want a reminder that the child they were adopting still
had a loving parent somewhere else. After all, social workers
had promised them a child "as if born to."
So social
workers responded by creating a list of ridiculous "birth"
terms meant to confine the mother's relationship with her child
to simply giving birth, ending at that point. In other words,
"birthmother" is simply a euphemism for "incubator"
or "breeder."
Then, social
workers deliberately disguised their disrespectful intent by
calling it "Respectful Adoption Language." "Respectful"
to adoptive parents, who are now to be called "parents,"
as if the two natural parents no longer exist.
Deliberately
creating the term "birthmother" was a further attempt
to break the bond between mother and child; in addition to altering
birth records to indicate that adopters gave birth, sealing
the original birth certificate, and changing the child's identity
with a false adopted name. Adoption is built on lies and denials
of truth, so we mothers shouldn't be surprised that "Respectful
Adoption Language" is just another deceitful ploy.
However,
one truth that cannot be denied is the truth that thousands
of mothers and their lost children have found in reunion: that
the deep spiritual/emotional mother-child bond between them
has never been broken, despite the decades they were separated.
That natural motherhood is forever, that the relationship extended
*past* birth. Adopters feeling threatened by this sometimes
try to pressure adoptees to end reunions: instead, they should
hold their brokers accountable for lying to them with the "as
if born to" sales-pitch.
Now that
we mothers have learned the truth about the invention of these
ridiculous "birth" terms, what should we do about
it? Do we really want to continue to disrespect ourselves and
allow the adoption industry to continue to disrespect us by
applying and allowing others to apply these terms to us?
Or should we insist on applying truly respectful language, such
as the term "natural mother," which is still used
in other countries who have not been as propagandized by the
United States adoption industry? I believe it is time for us
mothers to defend ourselves and our children from further insults
and attacks.
Copyright
© Diane
Turski 2002
Diane
Turski is a mother who lost her newborn son to a sealed-record
adoption in 1968. Thirty years later they happily reunited when
he found her, proving that the mother/child bond can never be
broken. During those thirty years Diane, as a single mother,
had successfully raised her daughter while earning an MBA degree
and pursuing a business career. The reunion triggered Diane's
activism and her dedication to bringing truth and social justice
to other mothers of adoption loss.
Photo:
Diane and her son John at Santa Monica Pier.
Note: The terms "unwed" mother, "birthmother",
"birthmom", "birthmoms", "dear birthparent", "birthparent",
"birthparents", "birthfather" "biological" are all
utilized to make a single parent appear to be less than a mother
or father - to limit the parent's role to that of an incubator.
The honest terms "mother", "single mother"
or "natural mother" help the public to understand
why these real family members must not be separated to obtain
babies for adoption.
